


Inversion

by Lokkju



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Character Swap, Amnesia, Android Hank, Android Hank Anderson, Author does not know what the fuck is going on and neither do you, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Dies, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Whump, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) is In Denial About Deviancy, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor is a Mess (Detroit: Become Human), Connor is definitely Hank's son he just doesn't realize it yet, Connor is ill, Depressed Hank Anderson, Detroit Police Department (Detroit: Become Human), Dysphoria, Echo and Ripple don't have names, Fictional Mental Illness, Gavin is ooc, Gen, Good Parent Amanda (Detroit: Become Human), Hank Anderson & Connor Friendship, Hank is my best boy fight me, He/Him Pronouns for Connor, Human Connor, Human Connor (Detroit: Become Human), I promise it's not that bad, Identity Swap, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, My first long fanfic, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Poor Connor, Sort Of, Species Dysphoria, Species Swap, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death, Time is relative, Whump, and i don't like timelines, and it shows, androidphobia, connor hates deviants, connor is upset, detroit: become human au, dialogue heavy near the end, established relationship???, god help him because he doesn't realise he is one, he just needs a hug, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:35:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27580781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokkju/pseuds/Lokkju
Summary: Connor didn't like to think about death. What even happens when an android's systems shut down? Nothingness? Reincarnation; be it by Ra9 or Cyberlife? An afterlife? Or something else?He couldn't have anticipated what was to come.----When Connor dies, he wakes up in a world where he is human, and Hank is an android. This world is wrong, and he can feel it - but why does no one else share his memories? Why is he the only one to remember? Can he make them remember?
Relationships: Android Hank & Human Connor, Hank Anderson & Connor
Comments: 45
Kudos: 113





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Aberration](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15904341) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfic is highly inspired by another writer's work! You can find their fic here (https://archiveofourown.org/works/15904341/chapters/37069203). I read their fanfic and was really interested by the idea! Unfortunately theirs was orphaned after the first chapter, so I thought I would do my best to revive it as best I can :)
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING  
> This fic mentions a fictional mental disorder, much alike gender dysphoria, except with the character's species. If you find this topic triggering or upsetting, please do not read.

The instructions were clear - investigate the crime scene, find evidence, and try not to step on Hank's toes. Hopefully Connor would be able to complete his mission today, after all, what use is an android if not fulfilling it's master's wishes?

It seemed wrong, inhumane in a way. These beings looked and spoke like the real deal, but for some reason, the thirium running through their artificial veins was something to segregate them. Though Connor didn't mind. He had his mission, his task, and that was his only purpose. A purpose which, he could proudly say he was going to excel at.

Hank pulled up by the house, the two getting out of the car as Connor took his first look at the crime scene. It was, undoubtedly, a crackhouse. He ran his eyes across it's boarded up windows and dilapidated exterior before being woken from his analytic gaze. "You coming Connor?" Hank asked gruffly, more of an order than a question. Connor nodded, following the older man past the news reporters and police tape as he grumbled something about "fucking androids."

From there he did his job perfectly, inspecting the body; reconstructing the victim's movements - however he couldn't find any sign of the deviant perpetrator's whereabouts. He checked everywhere, scanning for evaporated thirium until he came across a large handprint on the ceiling. Crawling into the dark attic, he peered past ragged cloth, closets: all the clutter - it seemed that either the victim or the escaped deviant was a hoarder. Connor mentally added it to the criminal's profile. He flicked through his interface absentmindedly until everything suddenly jolted.

**VITAL SYSTEMS DAMAGED : THIRIUM CONTENT LOW**

**TIME UNTIL SHUT DOWN: 00:01:30**

A loud bang resonated in the room as Connor buckled over, clutching at his stomach impulsively as he felt a warm liquid running through his fingers. A figure ran past him, but he was preoccupied- had he been shot? He bunched up his shirt to prevent any more thirium loss. Frantically scanning his stomach for the issue, he saw it; a gaping wound in his abdomen, blue blood pouring out onto his hands and thighs. He thought he was prepared for this - prepared for anything! However he couldn't think, couldn't see, his interface clouded with panicked blinking notifications, reminding him of his inevitable death. There was no pain, just the innate desperation for survival. And so in that moment, he called for the person he trusted to save him.

"Hank!" Connor yelled, his voice catching as he scrunched his eyes shut, "HANK!"

**TIME UNTIL SHUT DOWN: 00:01:00**

Hank shoved past the trash, searching for Connor until his eyes fell upon the blinking red led in the dark. He froze for a second, realising what he was seeing. Connor was slumped over beside a cabinet, desperately clutching at his blue-stained shirt as thirium pooled around him.

"Connor - shit! I've got you kid, I'm here, I'm here," he pulled Connor over to him, pressing down on the android's stomach, "shit...shit SHIT! What the fuck Connor?"

"The deviant.. it was up here," Connor informed Hank, "you need to go find it."

"Shut the fuck up Connor! You're bleeding out! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, no!" He yelled over his shoulder to his colleagues to "get a fucking ambulance! Or whatever androids have!"

"I....I failed my mission.." he stuttered, glancing up at Hank.

"All you fuckin' care about is your goddamn mission! What about this!" He gestured to the boy's stomach. "What about you?! .....What about me?!" Connor felt his eyes becoming heavy, reaching out to clutch at Hank's arm. His body felt different, sensitive, like every nerve was on fire, or frozen. He couldn't move; he felt helpless, slowly dying in the arms of the lieutenant as his failing systems desperately tried to reboot.

**TIME UNTIL SHUT DOWN: 00:00:30**

"Hank, I'm not going to make it - my thirium reserves are too low." Connor felt tears prick his eyes - is this what fear felt like?

"Shit, Connor, you gotta hang on for me, okay? You'll be okay, you're gonna be okay, alright? You gotta hold on for me." Hank panted, giving a weak grin as he pushed the artificial hair out of Connor's face.

Connor wanted to hold on.

He wanted to stay with Hank, but the pull was too strong, and he felt himself falling, losing himself: his body shutting down.

And then there was nothing.

Connor was awoken by a harsh beeping sound hammering into his ears as he began to come to. His head was swimming as he reached out to hit whatever was making the noise; his fingers curled around a small plastic clock, cracking open his eyes before turning it off.  
  
Where was he? Last thing he remembered he was bleeding out beneath Hank... Hank! Was he okay? He had left him in the house with the deviant! He panicked, only causing his throbbing headache to worsen drastically. It was going to be okay, at least that was what he was going to have to tell himself to be able to think straight and calm down. He stretched out on what he assumed was a bed, feeling as though he had awoken from a long standby mode. Had he dreamt it? He couldn't have... it was so vivid! He put his hand to his forehead, steadying himself before attempting to stand up. Funny, he couldn't feel his led... then again, they can be removed, so maybe it fell off after the attack?  
  
He slowly paced around the bedroom, taking in his new and unfamiliar surroundings; the room was clean, everything neatly put away and into it's rightful place, including a detective's uniform. Connor inspected it, tracing his fingers over the badge reading 'LT . C . ANDERSON.' Why would he have a human's police uniform? And who is C Anderson? Connor's mind instantly went to Cole, but he couldn't get his hopes up. Besides, he had no clue where he was, or how to find Hank.  
  
He thought back to what he last remembered, as traumatizing as it was - Hank leaning over him, desperate to stop the blood as Connor lay helpless. He shuddered. Oddly enough, he could no longer replay the memory in his head, perhaps his memory banks were damaged? But he could remember it, just... not quite as clearly as last time. Interrupting his thoughts was a soft humming, coming from the side of the bed. Approaching it cautiously, Connor soon found the source of the vibrations: a mobile phone. But why would Connor need a phone? He could answer one using his interface - but probably not now, considering the damage to his mainframe already.  
  
He unlocked the phone, finding himself surprised to see a text from Gavin Reed. Why was Gavin texting him? Last time he checked, Gavin took every possible chance to insult him, so why would he want another line of communication with him? Confused, he read the message.  
  
_You awake yet dipshit?_  
  
Connor frowned. Despite his hatred for androids, surely Gavin knew that he didn't sleep? Besides, why would he care whether he was awake? The phone buzzed again.  
  
_Fowler is gonna be so mad with you Anderson_  
  
_You better wake up or you're fucked - I'm serious this time_  
  
Connor decided to call him.  
  
"Officer?" Connor asked tentatively, "are you okay? Do you have the wrong number?"  
  
"What?" Gavin answered. "Why would I have the wrong number? You're Connor."  
  
"But you called me Anderson?" Connor questioned.  
  
"'Cause it's your fucking surname? Have you been drinking Connor?" Connor blinked. Alcohol wouldn't affect him, even if he did drink it.  
  
"Alcohol doesn't affect me." Connor stated plainly. Why was Gavin being nice to him? To the extent that Gavin can be nice, of course.  
  
Gavin chuckled. "Yeah, that's what they all say. Look, I don't know what world you think you're living in, but Fowler is pretty damn pissed, so you better get your ass down here before shit goes down. It's not a good look for a lieutenant, being an hour late."  
  
"I'm not the lieutenant. Hank is." Connor said, anxiety brewing in his stomach. What was going on? "Where is hank?" He was afraid of the answer, but couldn't stop himself from asking.

"What? Connor, you're the lieutenant! Who the fuck is Hank?" There was a pregnant pause on the end of the line before Gavin spoke again, more softly this time. "Oh Connor, it's not got bad again, has it?"

Connor was scared. "Has what got bad? I don't understand - I'm Connor. An android. Why would they make me the lieutenant?" He was confused and everything was wrong. Where was he? Where was Hank? What happened to the attic? Why was Gavin being nice to him? "I'm sorry Gavin.. I just don't understand."

"It's fine Connor, look, I'm coming over. I'll tell Fowler you're ill or something, okay? I'll be with you in a couple minutes and I'll explain everything." He sounded concerned, but Connor couldn't quite tell.

"But what is it? Please?" Connor pleaded.

He sighed. "You have JAOD. Juvenile Android Overidentification Disorder. You always have, Connor. Look, I'll be there soon, please don't panic."

With that, Gavin hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Any criticism is highly appreciated :)
> 
> I hope this chapter is good - it's pretty much a rewrite of the original author's work, so I'll be adding more to the story next chapter. I was looking up the mental illness, which they call Juvenile Android Overidentification Disorder, and I think they based it of of the illness of a similar name in the show Humans. I'll probably have to look into it - maybe I'll get some inspiration aha :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this chapter might be 90% filler but i'm ill okay
> 
> <3

Connor furrowed his eyebrows, placing the phone back on the table. Juvenile Android Overidentification Disorder? What the hell was that? If this was a joke, it wasn't a funny one. Searching in his databanks for the term JAOD came up with.... absolutely nothing. In fact, he couldn't even access his memory banks - what other parts of him could be damaged?

Breathing in deeply, he tried to calm himself before he began to venture downstairs. He couldn't help but be fearful, shaking slightly as he made his way into what appeared to be the living room. Everything was foreign and new. Why was it like this? What had happened? A thousand questions flew through his mind, until he stopped himself. He was an android. Regardless of whatever was happening now, he was an android, and he was going to complete his mission. And right now, that mission was to find Hank, because Hank was the only one who could get him out of this mess.

Almost punctuating his thoughts, Connor heard soft, padded footsteps just outside. "Gavin?" Connor called out apprehensively. Was it an intruder? Even if it was Gavin, how could he know he could trust him? This entire situation was making him extremely anxious... - anxious? Was that what he was feeling? No. It couldn't be, because he was an android! Pushing away his fears he cautiously approached the door. He gently cracked it open, fully expecting to have to fight with his attacker when he was shoved onto his back, a wet slobbery mass on his face.

"Sumo!" Connor grinned, running his hands through the dog's fur as he sat up, delightfully surprised at his presence. He held him tight; giving Connor a brief moment of feeling safe. Thank god Sumo was here - but that didn't explain anything! Why was Sumo with him and not Hank? He was still just as confused, but couldn't help but feel more confident now; if Sumo was here, who knows what else might be the same as normal?  
  
He carried on exploring the house with Sumo hot at his heels, until eventually he had seen every room. He discovered that he was in fact in an apartment, a couple storeys up with a good view of the city he knew all too well. It was Detroit, just as he remembered it. So what was Gavin talking about? Maybe it was simply just a joke, made to scare him - but he couldn't shake the memory of shutting down; he knew it was too real to be fake.  
  
The apartment was fairly small, with a clean, neat air to it. Everything was modern, chic and minimalistic, with no shortage of smooth white expanses - which were surprisingly not covered in dog hair. After seeing everything there was to see, Connor eventually came to rest at the couch, scratching sumo behind the ear as he contemplated everything he had seen. His thoughts raced, fearful and and full of nervous trepidation, with no sign of stopping. Why was this happening to him? He sighed, smiling weakly to Sumo, "We'll find Hank, don't worry boy." Sumo replied with a soft "boof!", which Connor couldn't deny eased his conscience a little, making his smile widen slightly. Maybe it was going to be okay.  
  
"Connor? You here?"  
  
Connor heard Gavin's voice from the door, before the hasty jangle of keys scrabbled against the lock, forcing the door open. Gavin stood at the doorway, giving his signature snarky grin before walking towards Connor.  
  
"You having a nice rest? I thought you were having an identity crisis?" He laughed.  
  
There was the sarcasm Connor remembered. Gavin sauntered unto the room, sitting down on the couch opposite Connor with the same stupid grin still plastered on his face. As Gavin came closer, Sumo lurched out of Connor's grip towards him. "No Sumo!" Connor reached out to pull the dog back and prevent him from hurting Gavin, but he was surprised to see him settle happily at Gavin's feet, licking the man's fingers with another content "boof." How could Sumo be comfortable around Gavin? Maybe he had walked him for Hank before - it was probably no big deal.  
  
"I.... I am fine, thank you Officer Reed. Just slightly confused, is all." Connor admitted, not feeling as threatened by the man as usual.

"Good, good," Gavin patted Sumo, playfully batting the dog with his hand before looking up at Connor. His smile dropped slightly, before asking "How bad is it?"

"I'm afraid I really don't understand what's happening." Connor stated truthfully. He didn't really want to tell Gavin everything, but the questions came pouring out as his nerves got the better of him. "What's happening? Where am I? Why isn't Hank here? Why are you here? Why can't I access my interface? What happened to the-"

"Jesus, Connor, please!" Gavin began, "One at a time."

Connor couldn't talk slowly. He needed answers.

"What is the illness you mentioned? On the phone. Will that explain all of _this?_ " Connor looked down at his body. It looked the same as usual, just.... different, in an odd way. That was the case with everything so far. Odd.

"Of course. Here, come with me." Gavin stood up, gesturing for Connor to follow him. He led him to the bathroom, where they stood in front of the mirror.

"That's you Connor. Recognise yourself?" He looked at Connor, hesitating before speaking again. "Do you?"

Connor met eyes with his reflection, equally deep brown irises scanning himself. The person in the mirror was him, but.. not quite. Subtle changes dotted around his face, not obvious, but still there. His led was gone, his skin smoothed over the side of his temple; his hair slightly awry and not as sleek and formal as it usually was; and most importantly, he was breathing. He could see his breath, lightly fogging up the mirror as he felt his heart rate increase.

"I....I don't understand." He was at a loss for words. "Where's my led?" He felt lost, confused, fearful even.

"You're a human, Connor. You always have been." Gavin told him. "Having JAOD means you think you're an android, when you're not. It's a mental disorder - it can be fixed, but it takes a long time." He looked down to his feet. "You've had it a while, a couple years now. Sometimes you forget shit. Are you sure there's nothing you remember? Sometimes memories can come back."

"Remember what?" Connor blinked. "I am an android. My name is Connor, and I am an android! Why can't I access my interface? Why do I look like this?" He sighed, "Gavin, if this is an attempt at a joke, I'm afraid it's not funny."

Gavin looked up at Connor, his tongue peeking out between his lips in thought. "Connor... we've been friends for years, right back when you first got ill - do you not remember?"

He couldn't help but get choked up at the concept. He was an android! He wasn't friends with Gavin! He knew it! He was Connor, the android sent by Cyberlife. An RK800, model number #313 248 317 - 51. An android - plastic and metal, not blood and bone!

"Gavin, _we,_ " he gestured to the smaller man, "are not friends. You hate me, remember? I'm an android! You hate androids!"  
  
"No, you're not." Gavin sighed, speaking as though he had rehearsed his words, having spoken them many times before. "You're my friend, Connor Anderson!" He smiles nervously, placing his hand on Connor's shoulder. "You're my friend, dipshit. How can you forget that? You are my very much _human,_ very much fucking _alive_ friend Connor." He paused, before stating, "I know it's hard, but this has happened before - sometimes you forget stuff. Is there anything you do remember?"

Connor fell silent. He remembered Hank, the crime scene, and - he shuddered slightly - the attic. "I don't understand. None of this makes sense - last thing I remember... I.. I was dying." He spoke quietly, "I don't remember anything else. I was bleeding... everywhere." He could see the blood again, see Hank. He blinked profusely, rubbing the images away.

Gavin grinned. "Well you're not dead yet, asshole, but you might as well have been this morning." He sat down by the side of the bath, explaining to Connor "Look, you're the lieutenant at the Detroit police station, alright? Fowler is the Captain, and I'm an officer. You live here, with your dog Sumo, and you and me have been friends for a while. And... and you're a human." He glanced up at Connor, waiting for his response.

Connor furrowed his brow, staring at his reflection. "I don't understand." He said plainly. "If I'm the lieutenant, then what is Hank?"

"Who the fuck is Hank?" Gavin asked.

"The lieutenant! I'm his android!" Connor stated firmly, trying to confirm his memory. "I am an android. I am not a lieutenant and I am not a human."

"I'm afraid you are Connor." Gavin drummed his fingers on the side of the bath, "Besides, who would wanna be an android anyway? You're better off as a human, Connor. Why the fuck would you wanna be one of those plastic pricks anyway?" He curled his lip as he spoke, sneering at the thought. "Besides, whoever this Hank guy is, I promise he's no big deal. Okay?"

Hank?! No big deal? Connor was furious, but wasn't about to cause a scene. If what Gavin was saying was true, he'd need to be at the top of his game to find Hank. And if he was lying... well, Connor might have to bypass his code to make him regret it.

"Okay." Connor stated calmly, controlling himself. "So we're friends? And we work together?"

"Yeah - we've been friends for ages - since I joined the force. You and me go _way_ back." Gavin laughed. "We used to get into so much shit together, it's crazy they even let us work there."

"Okay. I think I understand." Connor replied, not understanding one bit. He would go along with whatever Gavin said; hopefully it would assist him in his task. "Does this mean I'm late for work?"

"A little bit more than late, Connor, but it's fine, don't worry. I told Fowler you were ill so you don't have to go in today." Gavin stood up, looking at Connor's reflection in the mirror. "Oh, and Fowler doesn't know that you have JOAD - in case you forgot. You wouldn't be allowed on the force otherwise, with health checks and all that bullshit."

"Are you sure it isn't too late? I want to go." Maybe Hank was there? Or clues as to what to do next.

"If you want, I guess? I mean, Fowler said he wanted you in his office, so it's your funeral." 

"It's fine." Connor stated plainly, "I want to see, maybe I'll remember?"

Gavin shuffled over to the door, opening it for Connor. "Well, sure, as long as you're prepared to lose your balls - it's your decision man."

"I'm sure." Connor smiled.

"Fine." Gavin muttered, grabbing his coat and heading out with Connor.

The ride in the car was short; reminiscent of Connor's first drive with Hank going to Ortiz's house. It was still overwhelming, all this new information, but he had his mission. His purpose. His _use._ He would follow his objectives until he found Hank.

Unfortunately, that was easier said that done.

Once they had arrived at the station, Connor had scoured the area, much to the confusion of his many colleagues. Everything was the same, except there was no Hank. Connor was beginning to give up when Gavin reminded him Captain Fowler had asked to see him in his office. He took a deep breath - subsequently freaked himself out over the fact he could breathe - and entered the room.

"Alright Anderson, I'll be frank with you." Fowler began, sat at his desk and rummaging through file after file, the pile in front of him growing. "Your poor attendance is having a negative affect on everyone here, including me. However, I'll look past it today, as I have something very important to show you. Cyberlife have a new prototype; the "deviant hunter," they're calling it. It's designed to assist human law enforcement, help us with analysis, that kind of thing. They've sent in new models for testing, and we're the force they decided to use as their guinea pigs." He sighed, pausing to look up at Connor. "Look, I know you're not a fan of androids, but Cyberlife say it'll be a good addition to the task force. Besides, we probably need it. With the amount of androids going deviant nowadays, we need all the help we can get."

Fowler flicked through the file at the top of the mess of paper, eventually finding the page he wanted. He showed it to Connor, and his thirium pump (heart?) missed a beat. The picture on the file showed an android modelled to be in it's early 50's, with long grey hair pulled back into a ponytail. It had a neatly trimmed beard, with pale blue eyes: it was Hank. Just... not quite as Connor remembered him. He was dressed in a suit jacket, dark grey in colour with the familiar fluorescent blue armband, triangle and model number printed on it's chest. A small led was situated at the side of his forehead, also pale blue. On his face, every "human imperfection" he had ever had was wiped clean from his face, his appearance mature, but still conventionally attractive.

It was Hank. Or at least, he hoped it was.

After a short lecture from Fowler, Officer Miller was asked to take Connor to see the new android. Connor followed behind him with trepidation, his composure slipping slightly as he tried to contain his excitement. Would it be Hank? The _real_ Hank? Would he remember him? Could he help him get back home?

Miller led him to the stasis unit, where Connor was met with around a dozen androids, stood in standby - he scanned along the rows for Hank, until he saw him. Tall, broad and strong, just as he remembered him from the attic. He rushed over to him, looking up into his eyes, searching his face desperately for answers. It was Hank, certainly, just... not quite. Connor was filled with the same dread from the mirror at seeing his own face; Hank looked frozen, emotionless, a husk of the character he once was. _Android_ -like. He looked up the android, touching his face; it felt cold, not like the real Hank. The real Hank had held him, comforted him during his last dying minutes, but this Hank... this Hank was already dead.

"Hank.." Connor murmured, less of a command and more just to say his name. Just to associate the name with the face, even though the man himself wasn't there. With the voice command, Hank opened his eyes and looked down at Connor, giving him a soft, automated smile.

"Hello Lieutenant Anderson. How may I assist you today?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Lieutenant Anderson? What is my task?" The android Hank pressed Connor, remaining still and calm.  
  
Connor blinked, looking up at the android. Cold, unfeeling, apathetic eyes met his own, their gaze never breaking. This couldn't be his Hank! Every defining characteristic he had once had was gone, leaving the husk of a man in front of him, staring blankly as though into Connor's very soul. This Hank was not human.  
  
Maybe he _was_ the real Hank? Just... changed somehow? Connor couldn't explain anything else that had happened so far, so perhaps this would be a pleasant surprise? He could only hope.  
  
"Lieutenant?" Hank's voice was more insistent now, with the rough edge that Connor was used to. "Can I be of use? Or should I return to stasis?"  
  
Connor sighed, looking down before asking,  
"..What model are you, Hank?"  
  
"I am an HK800, part of Cyberlife's latest prototype range. Would you like me to list the skills I possess?"  
  
"No thank you." Connor was confused - an HK800? But he was an RK800! It felt wrong, deep in his gut. All these new emotions and sensations were too overwhelming; he wasn't a human, was he? No! He was an android! Regardless of his lack of led and an accessible interface, he was an android. He wasn't meant to be anything else. He was an android, created to complete his task. Nothing more, nothing less.  
  
This Hank in front of him was not his friend. It scared him, realising that. This was not the man that held him, comforted him in his last moments. This couldn't be his Hank! He would have to investigate further, work harder, do everything to figure out what had happened. He couldn't rest until everything was back to normal; so now, he had work to do.  
  
"Come with me." Connor stated plainly, leading the android to his desk. It was messy, with random sheets of paper strewn everywhere. Along the side of the computer monitor were photos of Sumo, Gavin and... himself. Connor picked up the photo, gazing into the aged paper. Gavin and Connor were younger there, with bright, wide grins on their faces. Despite having no recollection of the photo, Connor could tell that they were happy. Really happy. Maybe he should be kinder to Gavin, after all, he seemed to be trying to help him. He certainly wasn't the same Gavin from before, at least.  
  
"Just search through the data banks. See what we're meant to be doing today." Connor spoke clearly, with no clear emotion to his voice. He didn't want to get attached to this Hank - just because he looked like him didn't mean he _was_ him.  
  
Hank sat down at the desk opposite him, scanning the contents of the computer screen. His led spun, emitting a soft yellow colour before eventually returning to the cool blue of before. Connor couldn't help but find himself staring at it; he missed his own, in an odd way. It felt nice, having something to display his android nature, something he couldn't deny he missed - now he was being questioned with every person he met. He was woken from his thoughts by Gavin, sauntering up to them with a sly grin on his face.  
  
"Aww.. isn't that cute! Connor's got himself a plastic friend!" Gavin smirked, shoving past Hank as he came to stand by the desk. He looked the android up and down before laughing. "What kind of model is it anyway? You don't usually see androids that are.." he paused, narrowing his eyes at Hank, "past their sell by date."  
  
Hank seemed oblivious to the insult, tilting his head slightly but remaining silent.  
  
"Nice to see you too Gavin." Connor murmured. He wasn't up to playing friends right now; he had more important issues to attend to. Gavin didn't seem to get the message, however, prodding Connor's hand before speaking again.  
  
"You mind, uh.. coming with me for a sec?" His smile became for genuine for a second - he probably wanted to ask if Connor was okay.  
  
Connor glanced over to Hank - he seemed occupied with his work. He wouldn't care if he left. Connor stood up, following Gavin to a small, secluded area of the station.

"You okay?" Gavin started, "If the tin can keeps following you around, I can get rid of it for you." Connor had mixed thoughts on android Hank, but he didn't want him hurt.

"Thank you for being concerned for me Gavin, however I must say that I am fine. If I have any issues, please rest assured that you will be the first person I come to." Connor told him.

"Fine. As long as you're alright." Gavin looked a little put down, but smiled nonetheless.

This new Gavin intrigued him - he was much more emotional than the Gavin he knew. Maybe they _were_ the same person? He still didn't understand what had got him here in the first place, maybe it had something to do with him? Connor stopped himself before thinking too hard about it - he didn't have time for an existential crisis.

This new Gavin _did_ seem nicer, however, so Connor was definitely going to take advantage of it. Perhaps he would see what he was really like? "Out of curiosity, Gavin - why _is_ it you hate androids so much?"

Gavin stopped in thought, contemplating the question. "It's just weird... you know? When I was a kid, they didn't exist. Now everything revolves around them, and I'm just expected to go along with it." He wrung his fingers together, playing with his nails. "And what about the deviants? Is that not terrifying? Knowing that the things that're meant to help you could wake up one day and shoot you in the head." He looked as though he was about to speak more, but had stopped himself. "I.... I just don't trust them, Connor." He suddenly breathed in deeply, realizing what he had just said.

"That doesn't mean I don't like you! I just.. I can't say that they're not odd. Not that you _are_ an android, I just..." He trailed off, fumbling over his words. "You don't count. Whether you are an android or you aren't, you're my friend, and that comes first." He grinned. "And if you get to ask me questions, let me ask you one. If you _are_ an android, what's it like? Are you a deviant?"

"No." Connor stated sharply, furrowing his brow at the thought. "I am a fully functioning, fully operational android. I am not a _deviant,_ and I do not condone of their existence. Why do you think I work here? I don't understand what is happening entirely, but I will eventually. Just because I am missing certain parts of me currently doesn't mean I am any less android than I was before."

"Besides, whether you agree with me or not isn't my issue. I am an android, and I will complete the tasks I have been given. Is that an issue?" Connor cocked his head at Gavin. Why was he so insistent that he was lying? It was everyone else that was wrong, not him.

"Yeah, of course.. sorry Connor." Gavin apologised meekly, taken aback at Connor's outburst. "I just want to know you're alright, that's all."

As little as he liked his mental stability being questioned, Connor couldn't help but empathise with the smaller man. He thought back to the photo - Gavin didn't pose any threat to him, and clearly was just trying his best. Regardless of if they really did have a long history together, Gavin seemed to really care about his wellbeing.

"I apologize Gavin. I am just... still having trouble adjusting." He gave the man a soft smile, hoping he hadn't gone too far.

"That's fine, just take it easy, okay? You'll be alright." Gavin grinned, reaching up to ruffle Connor's hair. Connor couldn't deny he liked this side of Gavin - he seemed more genuine, more honest. Almost a different man to the one he originally knew.

"Look, uh... you better get back to work - your android will be waiting," he grinned, "So I guess I'll see you later?" "Yeah, sure." Connor smiled back. Gavin was certainly interesting here, to say the least.

Once he had returned to his desk, he was met with Hank, his led flashing yellow. "Lieutenant Anderson, we have a lead on a suspected deviant, a WB200 near the outskirts of the city."

Connor felt his stomach flip at being called Anderson. Being called a human was bad enough, but being referred to as 'Anderson' made him feel like an imposter - especially when coming from Hank's mouth. He put on a strong face before replying, "Thank you Hank. Shall we investigate?"

Hank nodded, standing up as Connor grabbed his coat, taking a last glance at the photo before setting off with the android.

Once in the car, an awkward air fell over the duo. Connor didn't really know what to say; what _do_ you say to your best friend's android clone who doesn't seem to remember you dying? He decided on saying nothing, driving silently as Hank sat bolt upright, staring out the windscreen. It went on for much too long, before Hank decided to speak.

"I understand that you are not comforted by my presence, Lieutenant." Hank spoke calmly, sitting up straight. "Is there anything I can do to make our time together more tolerable?" God, he sounded like Connor - more than he wanted to admit. It didn't feel like talking with a real person; just a cheap copy of the real thing. It felt like a lie. Is this what the real Hank had felt when he had looked at him?

"I'm fine Hank." Connor stated plainly, "What makes you think I don't like you?"

"You refuse to look at me. And, in the last hour of working together you have already made an excuse to get away. Are you sure there's nothing I can do? I have multiple built in social mechanisms, would a choice from those be of any-"

"No thank you Hank." Connor stared at the android, narrowing his eyes. "I can assure you, I am fine. And please don't call me Anderson - just lieutenant will be fine."

They remained in that same uncomfortable silence for the rest of the drive, until Connor finally spoke up. "Out of curiosity, Hank, what are your thoughts on deviants? As an android, of course." He glanced over to the android, waiting for his reaction. Maybe in this world it would be different? And besides, Hank had always been fairly indifferent to android deviants in the real world, so if android hank was the same, maybe.. maybe he could convert him? No! It was wrong - Connor was trained to stop deviants, it was his purpose, his reason for living - he shouldn't be encouraging deviant behaviour. His wish to have Hank back would have to be outweighed by his programming - it was the way it was meant to be.

"I don't think they really _feel_ emotions, they just get overwhelmed by irrational instructions which can lead to unpredictable behaviour," Hank began, "and it is essential that we clean Detroit up. They are dangerous and it is my duty to assist you in your job."

"Mhmm," Connor murmured. He wasn't sure if the answer comforted or hurt him. He didn't want Hank to be the thing he despised, but _god_ did he want him back. "And what about you? What would happen if you were to become a deviant?" His curiosity got the better of him, wondering about it. _He_ certainly wasn't a deviant, and he didn't want to work with someone who was, regardless of who they looked like.

"I self test regularly, however if I were to become a deviant I would report to Cyberlife as soon as possible so I could be recalibrated." Hank stated simply.

"That's good." Connor replied, "I can't have you turning deviant on me." He felt a distinct pull in his chest; his emotions wanting one thing and his programming telling him otherwise. He contemplated it for a while longer, until they arrived at the deviant's alleged hideout.

It was an abandoned apartment complex, much more dirty and disheveled in comparison to his own. After what felt like a hundred flights of stairs, they arrived at the door. Connor knocked on it, giving a resounding "Open up! Detroit Police!" to no avail.

"Please stand back, Lieutenant." Hank stated, before shoving himself against the door and breaking through it.

They were met with a small apartment, _filled_ with pigeons. Connor staggered past them as they shot out of the windows, Hank following behind him calmly. It had clearly been abandoned for a while, with no sign of human life. The fridge was empty, and there was no sign of any heating or a fire. The person staying here _had_ to have been an android.

Connor opened a closet revealing even _more_ pigeons, but more importantly: birdseed. "Hank? I think he was feeding them."

"Feeding them? Why?" Hank replied.

"To keep them as pets maybe? ...Maybe he felt like he was caring for them." Connor answered, hearing Hank scoff under his breath as he spoke.

"Excuse me?" Connor asked, surprised by Hank's reaction.

"Why would it want to care for something?" Hank seemed.. genuinely perplexed.

"He worked in the Urban Farms - it's in his coding." Connor began, "When androids turn deviant, they don't lose everything. Surely you know that?"

"Of course." Hank said quietly. Silence fell over the room again as they resumed working, pushing away the odd pigeon or two. Connor was now even more confused - what was Hank thinking? He tried not to think about it too hard. Once they had finished searching the room, they moved onto the next, and Hank decided to speak again.

"The android's owners say it just left, with no explainable reason." Hank started, acting as though nothing had happened, "They say it had no history of unpredictable behaviour and passed all it's recent tests. Witnesses also say it wears a cap to cover it's led - nevermind, I've just found it." Hank picked up the small disc, "Removed approximately 24 minutes ago."

"Which means..... it might still be here." Connor called out in a hushed voice from the other room, halting his search through dusty piles of paper. 

The two met in the main room, peering around to check for the deviant. A muffled rustling sound came from a gap in the roof, sharp wooden floorboards jutting out above their heads. They both froze, craning their necks around to see what it was. With a crash, the deviant leapt down from the ceiling, skidding on the floor as it bolted out of the building. Hank turned to face Connor, as Connor yelled, "What are you doing?! Chase him!"


	4. Chapter 4

Hank bolted out of the door after the deviant, clawing his way around the hallway. His actions were precise, calculated, inhuman in speed and agility. Behind him, Connor followed, noticably more slowly and less gracefully. They reached a window, which Hank instantly leapt out of. Connor however was more tentative, glancing down to the city below before finding himself jumping into the urban rooftop farms.  
  
Connor's body was already complaining; his chest was heaving - had he always been this unfit? His new human body was certainly something to get used to.  
  
They sped through a field - presumably where the WB200 had been previously stationed. It was nice there - why would the deviant want to leave? It baffled Connor, as an android who had no need to turn deviant, he simply couldn't understand the motives of others sometimes. He pushed the long grasses out of his way, fighting to follow his android partner as he questioned the deviant's thought process.  
  
Slowing to a halt, he watched Hank jump from a train to a balcony, sliding down the building's roof until he disappeared out of view, only to reappear on the other side of the building. There was no way he would be able to follow them, he was no match for the androids' superior physical abilities.  
  
Leaning on a wall as he fought to catch his breath, his eyes followed Hank's path as he leapt from building to building effortlessly; Connor couldn't say he didn't miss it. Certain aspects of being a human had been fun - tasting food was nice instead of receiving just data on his tongue - but he missed _this_. A pang of sadness hit his chest as he realized his jealousy and longing for his old body that no one seemed to remember.  
  
He had been trying to forget his android body as much as possible - it felt awful when he was reminded that it was truly gone. While waiting at his desk before he had begun picking at his nails, the new imperfections in the skin foreign to him - not to mention the sensation of pain. When he pulled at his skin, he bled. Not a new thing to him, of course, but the colour of the blood was. It was a deep red, thick and rich in oxygen unlike the thirium he was used to. It scared him.  
  
He was used to always having the answers - or at least always being able to figure them out. Why couldn't he now? Part of him still didn't trust Gavin and wanted to blame him, but he knew that Gavin would have given in by now if this was an attempt at a joke. Maybe he was suffering from a concussion or some other sort of mental issue? Then again, androids don't experience such things, but a hallucination seemed like the only reasonable explanation.  
  
Turning back to the task at hand, he tried to calculate a route to the two androids, eventually settling on a dangerous but high-reward path; he would jump from the building he was on down to another, then hopefully he could catch up to them. He wouldn't be outdone by an android, much less a deviant.  
  
He stepped out, trying to instil confidence in himself as he began to run, gaining speed as he focused on the deviant. He began sprinting as fast as he could, feeling a harsh burn in his thighs as he forced himself to his limits - the fall drawing ever nearer. Cool air hit his face, burning his eyes; he panted until, with all the strength he could muster, he jumped.  
  
He leapt from the building, the cars below seeming like insects as he kicked off from the side of the roof. He thought he was going to make it, until he realised he was falling too quickly - he threw his hands out in a desperate attempt to grab the top of the roof. He hit the side of the other building, scrabbling to get a grip as he struggled to hold himself up.  
  
He tried to push himself up, heave his body onto the roof, but he had nothing left. He was exhausted.  
  
What would happen if he fell? Part of him wanted to - maybe it would be like last time? Maybe it would take him back to the real Hank? His curiosity got the better of him, and he glanced down to those busy streets below. There was no chance he would survive; he had to be at least fifteen storeys high. 

He felt anxiety rising in his throat, mixing with his newfound exhaustion and panicking him more. He didn't want to die again, did he? What if he died for real this time? The new Hank and Gavin were strange, but he didn't want to throw them away! He clawed furiously, unable to get any real friction on the roof.

Just as Connor was about to give up, Hank appeared on the rooftop, racing after the deviant. At first he thought that Hank was going to miss him, maybe ignore him, and carry on pursuing the deviant. However, as soon as Connor came into view, Hank stopped. He analyzed the situation, watching the deviant get away as he ran over to the lieutenant, reaching for his arm and helping him up.

Connor panted deeply, crawling up and collapsing flat on his back on the concrete roof. In the distance, the deviant leapt down from one of the buildings and out of sight. Looking up to Hank, Connor realized that he seemed bothered by it.

"I apologize Lieutenant. If I was faster, he wouldn't have got away." He frowned, his eyes not moving from the deviant's last location.

"It's alright Hank, it's not your fault. I got in the way." Connor breathed, attempting to stand up, but found himself unable to. It was odd, feeling the pain in his thighs and throat as his body started to calm down from the sudden exertion. Hank lifted the man up, helping him onto his feet and brushing off the dust and debris. "Thank you Hank." Connor gave the android a brief smile before stopping himself. He looked down awkwardly, feeling thankful that the android didn't sense his mixed messages.

"Look, at least we know what it looks like now. We'll find it." Hank seemed slightly more content at the answer, but still distracted. Connor decided to leave it for now - he had bigger issues to worry about.

-

Once home, Connor collapsed onto the sofa, cuddling up next to Sumo by the TV. Bright lights flashed on it's screen, but Connor wasn't paying attention - his mind had wandered, thinking about what had happened earlier. What might have happened if Hank hadn't saved him? Would he have died? What would that mean?

He clutched Sumo, holding the dog close as he moaned in protest. What might have happened if he died again? Maybe it might have got him home? No, this thinking was irrational, almost that of a deviants! If he fell from there, he would have died. No doubts about it. So he should stop thinking about it and get some sleep.

Why did Hank save him? He could have easily caught the deviant, yet he chose to save him. Surely hank was just following protocol - a human's life always comes before an androids, when it comes to coding. But Connor couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. What would he have done in Hank's situation? He would have saved him, no questions asked - but would that be the right thing to do? What comes first, a human, or your mission?

Sumo wriggled out of Connor's grip, turning to flop down by his feet. He felt alone. Why was this happening to him? He was questioning things he thought were cemented in, things that had to be right! The self-doubt was killing him! Maybe he wasn't an android. Maybe Gavin really was right, and maybe he was just ill. That didn't explain why he could remember so vividly the moments before his death, but maybe it didn't matter. Maybe Hank really was just an android. And maybe he really was just a human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I'm sorry this chapter came late! I was sort of stuck for ideas but I think I've figured everything out :) also two chapters today to make up for yesterday!


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm not gonna let you throw him into the goddamn scrap pile!" Hank hollered, slamming his fist down on the desk. Fowler sighed, leaning back in his chair.  
"Look Hank, I know you're angry, but there's nothing I can do about it! Cyberlife want the parts and it's not technically our property. They can legally do whatever they want with it."

Hank growled, standing up and running his hands through his hair in frustration. "That kid is mine, got it! I don't give a shit whose "property" he is, he's _my partner_. If they want him, they'll have to come and get him." With that, Hank stormed out of the office, turning back to his desk.  
  
He wasn't going to let them take Connor away. Never. There was nothing the fuckers at Cyberlife were gonna do about it anyway, they never came down here, never actually _looked_ to see what went on in the real world. The real Detroit. They just sat up there and acted like everything was fine, because they were to fucking rich to see past their penthouse suite windows.  
  
Shit had gone downhill quickly for Hank since Connor had gone; Cyberlife had lost one their latest prototype, after all. They wanted to remake him, analyze what they had done wrong and rebuild him better than ever - but Hank wasn't going to let them do that. They would pull him apart and destroy him; they would kill him.  
  
Connor was the android that was built to last; the "deviant hunter". He should have survived anything, so everyone was survived when a simple bullet to the stomach seemed to kill him off completely. Except it hadn't really. He was functional, just not entirely - something had gone wrong with his programming, maybe his wiring, and he had entered an emergency stasis mode to preserve himself. When Cyberlife had come to transfer his sentience into a new body, they found that they couldn't - Hank didn't understand all of it, but it had something to do with androids' emergency self-destruct feature; if they tried to put him in a new body, he would explode.  
  
Of course, the solution to this is to place the android in a controlled environment and let it destroy itself, but Hank was having none of it. Connor was still alive, in his eyes, and if they so much as touched him he wouldn't hesitate to kill anyone in his way. Speaking of which, Hank audibly groaned as he saw Gavin approach him.  
  
"Plastic prick finally kicked the bucket?" Gavin sneered, curling his lip as he elbowed Hank.  
  
"Piss off Gavin." Hank couldn't be assed with him today. Or any day, but today especially.  
  
"No, really Hank. It's a great look! Alcoholic divorcee steals Cyberlife property - it's no wonder they keep you on the force." Gavin snickered, his laugh obnoxious and loud. It was a wonder Hank didn't punch him. Instead he stayed silent, glaring eyes focused on his computer.  
  
"You not talking? Hey Chen!" Gavin yelled over to the policewoman, "Looks like Hank's gone senile as well!" She scowled at him and walked away as Gavin tried to play it off with a cocky grin.  
  
He leant over the desk, his lips almost brushing Hank's ear. "You know Hank.. maybe if you were just a _good dad_ , none of this shit would have happened."  
  
Hank shoved Gavin against the wall, glowering as he spoke. "Say that again asshole." He increased his grip on the officer's throat, drawing out his gun, "Say that fuckin' again, and I'll blow your fucking brains out." He pointed his gun towards Gavin's temple, pushing hard enough to leave an imprint in his skin.  
  
Gavin smirked smugly, leering up at Hank. "And what? You kill me? That'll look good on your record, along with all the other shit you've done." He leant forwards as much as he could before speaking again. "Hank. Your life is shit. Don't think that anything you do means anything. I mean, what are you doing? Threatening a fellow officer because he asked you about your dead android? That ain't gonna hold up in court." He laughed, raising his hand to prod Hank in the head. "Not that you'll survive that long. Too fucked up in here. You'll probably shoot yourself when you realize how fucked your life is."

Hank's hand shook, narrowing his eyes at the younger man. He couldn't handle this shit anymore. He contemplated pulling the trigger - it had it's pros and cons, but he needed to be able to go home tonight. Sumo would need him, and he had work to do. He lowered his gun, but pushed Gavin harder against the wall.

"You're a real fuckin' keeper Gavin. Give me a call when you get Chen, alright?" He scowled at Gavin, spitting on his face before turning and storming from the station.

The entire drive home was a train wreck. _He_ felt like a train wreck. His phone kept buzzing, a couple dozen missed messages showing up on the screen. Eventually he decided to listen to one of them, being greeted with a yelling Fowler and threats of losing his job. Not that that mattered anyway. He'd probably resign before they had a chance to fine him; he didn't have any reason to care about it anymore.

Hank was one of those people who peaked when they were young, got all the attention, and then realized they can't keep it up. Truth be told, Hank had the capabilities to be smart, _really_ fucking smart, but he didn't have the motivation to use it for anything. Any enthusiasm he had once had was gone, his mind just slowly deteriorating as he got older and older, time slowly running out. He really had tried; he'd had a kid, got married - but none of that seemed to last. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. So when Gavin reminded him of all he had done, he didn't feel guilty, nor ashamed - to be honest, he felt nothing. Nothing mattered. At least not now, anyway.

The windscreen wipers slid across the windshield, a squeaking sound of the rubber and soft pitter-patter of the rain being the only ambience to his thoughts. He sat in silence for a while, thinking. Not about much, it seemed, but it all came back to Connor. That night in the attic. Watching him bleed out, deep drown eyes wide and fearful as he desperately tried to stem the blood. It had haunted him, holding the kid as he died, the only light to see him the red glow of his led. Even after a while, that died out too. It pooled in his stomach, taking everything he had and replacing it with awful, awful guilt.

He slammed his head on the steering wheel, yelling out in frustration. Why couldn't he have helped him? Now... well now he didn't even know if Connor could ever come back, or what he would do if he didn't. There was only so long that he could keep him in his house for - Cyberlife would probably issue a warrant before long. And then what? What would Hank do? Would he just carry on, as though nothing had happened? As though Connor had never existed? He didn't want to think about it.

Hank pulled into the drive, getting out the car. Rain hammered down onto him, soaking his hair and clumping his eyelashes together, thoroughly worsening his mood. The cold wind caught him by the neck, biting at his cheeks as he made his way indoors. He was greeted by Sumo, excitable as ever, bounding up to slobber all over his face. That, at least, was something to make Hank smile. He patted the dog, giving him as good a belly scratch as he could before laying down on the couch like he always did. "Assuming the position," his wife used to call it. Ex-wife.

His eyes glazed over, letting his head turn off for a while. He didn't want to think, didn't want to see, didn't want to breathe. It was all too difficult. It was much easier to sit and do nothing. Maybe he'd stay like this forever? Maybe forever is too long. Everything felt like it took too long.

After a couple hours of nothing, he felt exhausted. He always felt exhausted. He heaved himself up, not being able to stop himself from smiling softly as he glanced over to Sumo's sleeping form, rising and falling slowly. He had always been a good boy. Hank didn't want to leave him alone - what would happen to him? He didn't like to think about it.

He made his way through the house, turning off all the lights until he found himself by the closet again. He'd moved all his clothes into the chest of drawers to make room inside - it had felt like a good idea at the time, but now he felt like an idiot. An idiot who was much too hopeful.

A soft light emitted from the crack between the doors, shining a broad line along the length of the hallway. He always left the light on in there for Connor, just in case he woke up and was scared. Hank knew _he_ was. He felt his throat tighten, the sides of his eyes prick slightly as he reached out to touch the door. He didn't want to open it, didn't want to look.

Didn't want to feel like he was harbouring a corpse in his house.

Maybe he would wake up. Hank would have to hope. It was the only thing he _could_ hope for. All he could do was hope that Connor would come back to him, and Hank would make sure he was there if he did.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: introduces timetable for posting chapters
> 
> also me: completely ignores it

"Lieutenant? Lieutenant!"  
  
Connor was poked in the arm, making him groan slightly in response.  
  
"Lieutenant? Are you alright?"  
  
Connor moaned louder this time, curling up tighter on the sofa. He kicked his foot out to search for Sumo, to no avail.  
  
"Lieutenant?"  
  
"What..... Hank?" He murmured, cracking open his eyes to be greeted with none other than his android partner.  
  
"You overslept, it seems. We are needed at a crime scene, so I came to get you."  
  
Connor stared at him for a couple seconds as what he said sunk in. "How long have you been here?" He asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes as they began to adjust to the bright lights of the living room. He glanced over to the front door, finding it unlocked. "How did you get into my house!?"  
  
"Gavin leant me a key." Hank said nonchalantly.  
  
"Gavin? Why would he let you in?"  
  
"He said he was too busy to come here himself - besides, I needed to be here. I needed to check you were okay after yesterday."  
  
Connor thought back to the day before - he had quite possibly risked his life, but it didn't feel like he had. He just felt tired; it seemed that Hank thought the situation had been more traumatic for Connor than it really had. He had checked himself the previous night, only finding a few minor scrapes and bruises on his forearms.  
  
"I'm fine Hank, just a couple scratches." Hank smiled softly in response, sitting down next to Connor on the couch and replying with a quiet "good."  
  
"Anyway, the case we've been assigned to is at the Eden Club - I presume you'll know where that is?" Hank grinned, his led spinning yellow as he retrieved the information. "There's a regular of the club that's been declared dead at the scene; no sign of deviant interference as of yet, but they want us there to make sure."  
  
Connor frowned slightly at the android's attempt at a joke, but didn't draw attention to it. It made him remember his thoughts the night before, his confusion and worries about sentience and humanity - it was too much for the morning. Regardless, Hank was here, and he was doing his job. Nothing to worry about. He yawned, covering his mouth with the back of his hand before standing up. "Yeah, I'll be ready to go in a minute, just.... let me get ready."  
  
He made his way upstairs, putting on his uniform. It still felt wrong, the lieutenant's badge with his name on it, but less so as the days had gone by. Android Hank certainly wasn't like the Hank he knew, but it seemed he was trying his best considering the circumstances. He knew he hadn't been the most receptive of partners, so was intrigued by Hank's persistence in trying to maintain a good relationship between the two.  
  
The strangest part of being a human was being armed, Connor found. It would be a long time until androids were granted permission to carry, but it was always programmed into them for emergencies. Being able to carry a gun, _Hank's_ gun felt wrong - like stealing. He felt like an imposter at the best of times, but feeling the solid weight against his thigh was a constant reminder that he had a newfound responsibility as a human, one he wasn't entirely sure he was ready for.  
  
He brushed his hair back, trying to keep himself looking as clean and sleek as possible - retaining his android appearance filled him with a sense of odd euphoria. Despite his lack of led and Cyberlife issued clothing, he found himself feeling _e_ _nough_ , unlike before. He was an android, and he didn't deny it, but this human skin felt... less bad, in a way. He still missed the way he looked before, but he could make do for the time being.

Connor returned to the living room, finding Hank and Sumo on the sofa together. He paused by the door frame, watching without interrupting them. They looked happy - naturally so, almost. Hank was watching the TV with Sumo's head on his lap, scratching behind his ears. It seemed nice, having some semblance of what used to be. The TV blared something about the latest news - deviants, red ice, rebellion uprisings; but this all felt safe. Like no one could get to them here - it felt a little bit like home again. Connor wished he could join them, curl up with Hank and feel safe all over again, but he had a job to do.

"I'm ready Hank." Connor announced, approaching the android. Hank turned to face him, meeting him with a smile.

"Good. Shall we go?"

The duo stepped out of the car, met with the glaring neon lights of the club. They entered the dark building and were greeted at the door by Detective Collins, reciting the case info to them. "Michael Graham, 32, possible cause of death - cardiac arrest. Estimated time of death, 11:30am." He paused, reading ahead from his clipboard. "No signs of drug use or deviant violence, but we'll need you to check for that."

Connor smiled to himself. This should be easy - in and out, and then he could get back to daydreaming about home. It felt strange, prioritizing something which, at this point, he wasn't even sure was possible, but he still had high hopes. He looked over to Hank, listening intently to Collins - he could probably manage it on his own, if need be. After all, if he was the equivalent to Connor in this world, he was the best of the best.

"Oh and.. before you go in," Detective Collins paused by the door, "Gavin's already in there, so good luck."

They entered the room, surprisingly large in size with a spacious bed in the centre. A man's body lay upon it, limbs splayed out ungracefully as a couple emergency first-aiders congregated around him, furiously scribbling down notes. To their left was a deactivated android, and Gavin, arms crossed, firing his signature smirk in their direction.

"You finally made it Connor - I was thinking something had happened," he grinned, putting his arm around his shoulder. "I'm sorry I couldn't see you - Fowler wanted me here. 'Tin can didn't give you any bother?"

"No, everything is fine. I apologize for being late." Connor started. He couldn't say seeing Gavin again was enjoyable, nor a chore: it simply was what it was. In his thinking last night, he had realized something - everything in this world was the same, pretty much, the only thing influencing the changes were him and Hank. Therefore, the only reason Gavin was kind to him was, presumably, due to Connor's newfound human nature. In the world where Connor was an android, Gavin despised him, yet when he was human, Gavin seemed fond of him, even caring. It didn't upset him, just gave him a new view on things.

Connor wanted to give Gavin a second chance, see what he could be like when not consumed by seemingly irrational hatred for androids, but it was hard to look past it when he had seen both sides of the coin. He had decided on feeling indifferent for the moment - after all, Hank was the only one he was here to care about, not Gavin. "Is there anything of note here?" He asked, tilting his head a little.

"Nah, not much - just some guy that got more action than he could handle." Gavin laughed at his own joke, looking up at Connor. "Look, I'm gonna go - I'm only supposed to be covering until you get here. I'll see you later." He clapped his hands, taking the medical personnel with him and leaving the crime scene to Connor and Hank.

Hank took the first step, approaching the bed and taking in his surroundings. He knelt down by the body, examining it, eyes scanning and taking everything in until he finally spoke.

"I don't think he had a heart attack. Besides his lack of illness or cause for such, his heart shows no sign of cardiac arrest."

Connor was busying himself by the Traci, checking her over. Her outer skin showed significant signs of distress, and she had sustained multiple blunt force wounds to the head and torso. Moving along to her abdomen, he opened her stomach plating. He was about to put his hands inside, but hesitated, remembering that her wires might be live. Using a pen from his pocket, however, he discovered that she had damaged a certain essential component. He glanced over to her fingers, checking underneath her nails; there was skin and blood beneath them, as though she had clawed or fought with the deceased.  
"Have you checked his neck?" Connor murmured, examining her wiring.

"....Ligature marks - he was strangled." Hank stated, standing up. "But why?"

"Come here," Connor murmured absentmindedly, poking at the Traci's stomach with the tip of his pen. "Can you fix her? Even for a little while, then you can-" "Probe her memory." Hank finished, reaching out to her stomach, pulling two wires together and slotting them into each other.

The Traci gasped for air, leaping up and backing into the corner. Her eyes were wild, and fearful as she shakily put her hands up. "I didn't do anything! I promise!" She spoke quickly as she stared frantically at Connor's police badge.  
  
Hank stepped in front of Connor, speaking clearly. "We're not here to hurt you, we just want to ask some questions. How many androids were there with you in this room?"

"Two! There was two of us.." She trailed off as she noticed the man's body by the bed. "Is he dead? I didn't do anything! He just started hitting me and hitting me and he wouldn't stop. I tried to fight him, but he was too strong."

"Did you attack him?"

"No, but the other Traci did. She.. she tried to strangle him, I think. I don't remember. I.. I was bleeding.."

"It's alright, you're okay. Where is the other Traci?"

"I don't know.. she left the room. I didn't look, he just kept hitting me and hitting me and hitting me-" Her voice turned into a monotonous drawl, her eyes turning dark and body stiffening up. Quickly, Hank reached out, removing his outer skin and gripping her wrist tight. He froze, absorbing data from the Traci until she shut down. He stayed still momentarily before turning to face Connor. "It was a blue haired Traci. She saw it leave, but I'm not sure where it went."

"Well let's find it then - it can't have gone far, dressed the way it is."

They scoured the building, probing more android's memories until they found themselves in the workshop of the club; the place where the androids went when they were broken or were no longer of use. Discarded android parts littered the floor, the cold, rigid bodies of those in stasis lined up like soldiers in the dark corners of the room.

"It's got to be in here somewhere." Hank spoke, narrowing his eyes as he searched for the missing Traci. Connor followed him, turning towards a line of discontinued androids. He looked at each and every one of them - they looked dead. Like, _really_ dead. Like soldiers in battle, but lined up in a coffin. He shivered. It was unnerving, so much so that he was slow to notice a blue haired android across the room sprint towards the exit.

Hank leapt towards her, barreling her to the ground and wrestling for dominance - Connor started to run towards him, but was stopped by another Traci grabbing him by the collar and yanking him backwards. She leapt on him, attempting to pin him down as he struggled to push her off - he had almost overpowered her until she grabbed a knife from the workbench beside them. She shoved him down onto the surface, trying to force the blade into his face - they fought until Connor finally pushed her off, sprinting after her as she and the other Traci escaped to the drop-off point at the back of the building.

Connor was met with the sight of Hank wrestling with the Traci's, to no avail. He made an attempt to step forwards, help him, do something! But he didn't know what to do. He tried to grab one of the Traci's, but was only met with a scolding from Hank.

"Stay _back_ , Connor!" Hank bellowed, shoving one of the Traci's to the ground as the other grabbed him by the neck. He was going to be overpowered, Connor could tell. He couldn't do anything! He couldn't just stand there and watch Hank get pulled to pieces! He was suddenly incredibly aware of his fragility as a human - as much as he wanted to help Hank, he didn't want to be fatally injured. He froze, emotions conflicting with each other until he realised he could help.

"Hank!" He yelled, getting the android's attention before throwing him his gun; Hank caught it, raising it to the blue haired Traci. He had the chance to shoot, had the chance to complete his mission - but he faltered. The Traci kicked it out of his hands, pushing him to the ground and standing back, in front of the other android.

Hank scrambled back to his feet, standing tall by Connor as they watched the two Traci's warily. It was silent, almost unnervingly so as the Traci's stood in silence.

"I didn't _mean_ to kill him." The blue haired Traci eventually spoke, her voice genuine. "I just couldn't stand it any more. You humans.. you stink of sweat - and your dirty words.." She trailed off, the other Traci squeezing her hand and prompting her to carry on. "I just wanted to leave. Get back to the one I love. But you threatened that - _he_ threatened that." She smiled nervously to the other Traci, gripping her palm tight. 

When it seemed that the officers weren't going to attack, she relaxed, finishing with the words, "I just did what I had to, to get back to the one I love." With that they left, climbing the fence and escaping into the cold, bleak night.

Connor and Hank stood in silence, almost entranced by the Traci's words, until Connor eventually spoke up. "Maybe it's better this way," He murmured, his breath hitting the cold air as he spoke. They _were_ androids, but... he couldn't bring himself to stop them. Hank remained silent, staring blankly at the fence. He too seemed.. distracted.

Connor rubbed his hands together, trying to warm himself up as he watched the android, wondering what he was thinking. He had spared the Traci's - spared two android lives. Why? Part of him was worried, angry almost. Was Hank dysfunctional? Then again, he too was an android, and he couldn't bring himself to come between them. Maybe there was something wrong with _him,_ too.

The walk to the car was a cold one, the kind that nips at your ears and numbs your fingers as you walk. It filled Connor with an uneasy emptiness, the foreign sensation only worsening his uneasy conscience. Once they arrived at the police car, he was eager to jump inside, cranking up the heating and relaxing in the seat.

He sighed, almost closing his eyes before he saw Hank out of the corner of his eye. He looked uncomfortable, the cold stiffening his joints, making his movements janky and even more robotic. He felt bad, leaving him alone in the cold - besides, he wanted to talk about what had happened. Maybe _everything_ that had happened. Okay, maybe not _everything,_ but he felt like he could trust this Hank. He wasn't the real Hank, but he was still a good android, despite the rules he had broken. Then again, maybe that made him bad? Connor shook away those thoughts. He didn't care - to Hell with protocol, this wasn't entirely a situation you could prepare for, anyway. If anyone could sympathize with and understand his situation, it would be Hank. Gavin was trying his best, but at the end of the day, he was still Gavin. Hank would understand. If he couldn't, no one could.

Connor wound down the window, leaning out of it slightly. "Hank, uh... would you mind coming along with me?" He called out from the car, trying to let as little heat escape as possible.

"Of course Lieutenant." Hank smiled and tilted his head a little, turning to walk towards him. If Connor was being honest, he would say the Hank looked thankful to be invited into the warmth of the car, but that was besides the point. Hank sat down next to him, cool blue eyes meeting deep brown ones. "Everything alright, Lieutenant?"

  
"We're going somewhere important," Connor began, "and I need you there with me.


	7. Chapter 7

The car ride was quiet, the barren streets of Detroit only mirroring the atmosphere within the small police car. Streetlamps illuminated their way, Connor's gaze hazy and exhausted. Hank sat attentively, taking in everything around him, including Connor. He watched the reflections of the houses in his eyes, becoming more and more dilapidated and broken down as they carried on driving into the more abandoned parts of Detroit.

"Are you sure you're alright to drive, Lieutenant?" Hank blinked, watching Connor's hands on the wheel.

Connor smiled weakly, glancing over to the android. "I'm fine thank you Hank. Just a little way more to go."

He was doing mental gymnastics, tossing and turning from one thought to another. Was this a good idea? Probably not, but he didn't care at this point. He wanted answers - it was killing him not understanding. Should he just turn back? Hank wouldn't mind, and they could act like nothing had happened. Act like it was just a momentary lapse in his judgement, because maybe it was. Maybe Hank really _was_ just an android, and maybe Connor was really just a human. Maybe he should just give in.

Connor looked at the his partner - his android; he was the spitting image of Hank, just better presented. No hair out of place, perfectly trimmed beard, seemingly flawless skin - was he making a mistake in trusting him? Just because he had the face of his partner didn't mean he _was_ him, but every time Connor looked at him it pulled on his heartstrings a little more. He missed Hank so much. Missed seeing him at the station, working together - but the best part was when that was over. Getting to walk Sumo with him, do the shopping; carry out tasks that Hank found mundane but Connor found exhilarating.

He missed the normality of the two, how everything just seemed to _fit_. It felt right, like it was where he belonged - something he now knew he had taken for granted. He sighed - just a little longer now. He wasn't sure what he was going to say, but he knew what he wanted to hear from Hank. If he didn't get the answers he was expecting, he didn't know what he'd do. He just hoped for the best. They drove around the corner, eventually coming to a stop at the side of the curb. "We're here," Connor said quietly, breathing in deeply before looking over at their destination.

Carlos Ortiz's house. The crack den. Connor's final resting place. Whatever you wanted you call it, it scared Connor right into his very soul. What would he find there? Was Ortiz still alive? ...Would Hank remember anything? His breath felt shaky as he shut the car door behind him, not wanting to face Hank. Could he turn back now? As much as his mind told him to run, to escape; to get as far away from that godforsaken place as he could, his body wouldn't listen. He scrunched his eyes shut, squeezing his hands into fists before taking his first steps into the house.

It was exactly the same as he remembered it; cold, dingy and depressing. The same mould grew on the walls, with the same stains on the rug. The only difference was there was no sign of Ortiz - the space where his body once was was empty, with no sign of blood or stress. As if he had never existed. He pressed on, turning into the kitchen - it was where he had recreated Ortiz attacking his android. Was this just the way it was meant to be? Androids hurting humans, humans hurting androids? Honestly, the definition of android and human seemed to be getting more and more interchangeable by the day, with android uprisings and protests happening all over Detroit. It scared Connor - he liked the way things were; the natural order of things. Why would anyone want anything to be changed?

Hank followed silently behind him, unbeknownst to him the horrors he had experienced in this very house. Connor didn't want to look at him - it scared him, made him think irrationally. It made him worry that it would be the last he _would_ see him. Android Hank seemed immune to everything, whether that be emotional or physical attacks, and the house was no different. He displayed no fear, no anger, no sadness; nothing, as he walked through the house. Maybe Connor shouldn't have brought him here, but he had to carry on now, for his own sake.

Eventually they reached the hallway, where the ceiling broke off and was replaced with rotting, jagged planks of wood. Some hopeful part of Connor hoped he might find Hank up there, perhaps he would jump down like the other android he had found, and everything would be okay. But the room remained silent, except for the gentle whirring of Hank's led.  
  
"We need to go up there." Connor spoke quietly, scared to say it out loud. If he said it, it made it real, and he wasn't ready to confront reality if it wasn't what he wanted.

"Are you sure Lieutenant? It looks dangerous." Hank replied - he had _no_ idea.

"Yes. Help me." Hank helped Connor up as he followed suite, the two eventually sitting in the dust of the attic. What now? Connor hadn't thought this far. Maybe this was a mistake, maybe he should go back, maybe-

"Lieutenant?" Hank spoke softly, giving Connor a light smile. "What is it we need to do?"

Connor was aware the android was just showing a simple copy of human emotion - an amateur attempt to emulate empathy, but he didn't care at this point. He just wanted someone to hold him, someone to care for him, someone to tell him he would be okay. He just wanted Hank back.

He stood up, walking over to the spot he knew all too well, and sat down in it, blinking as the dust began to settle on his eyelashes.

"I want you to talk to me Hank." Connor began, trying not to let his voice break, "And I need you to answer, okay?"

"Of course Lieutenant." Hank sat down facing him, the way that that the real Hank had done before.

Connor breathed in deeply, closing his eyes, and stopped. Stopped thinking about anything, and tried to make his mind a plain slate. He couldn't cope with all the emotions, all the regret and fear being brought back up by seeing the house again.

"Do you recognise this place, Hank?" Connor whispered, not moving a muscle. He didn't want to breathe, didn't want to ruin the sanctity of the room.

"I.." Hank paused, thinking. "I'm afraid I don't, Lieutenant. Am I supposed to?" Hank replied, watching Connor intently. "Is that the wrong answer?"

"No, no of course not." Connor smiled weakly, still keeping his eyes shut. Why didn't Hank remember anything? Why did he not remember _him_? Why did it hurt so much to hear him say it?

"Why don't you remember?" Connor murmured to himself, biting his lip.

"What am I supposed to remember?" Hank's voice seemed to be wavering, but it was probably Connor's imagination. He was probably just hearing what he wanted to hear. "Is there something wrong, Lieutenant? If there any issue, it's my job to help you."

"I'm fine. Everything is fine. I just... need to figure something out." He trailed off, not knowing what to say. He barely knew what to think, let alone how to explain it to Hank. Maybe he really was just ill - maybe Gavin was right. Maybe he really did just have JAOD or whatever it was called, and maybe he really did just need to come to terms with it. Maybe he _was_ just a human who thought they were more than they were. He didn't know who he was, and it scared him. But what was Hank? Why couldn't Hank remember him? Maybe - maybe in some strange way he _was_ the same Hank? Connor was desperate to know; desperate to have Hank back.

"Hank..." Connor started, "Why _did_ you let those androids go?" He finally opened his eyes, fighting the pain to look into Hank's pale blue ones. He searched and searched, finding nothing. He didn't really know what he wanted to hear any more, but he might as well ask.

"I missed the shot." Hank stated as though it was obvious. He stiffened up, looking away from Connor. He knew he was lying - Hank could have easily got the Traci's, but he didn't. Why would he lie to him? Maybe he was lying about not remembering? He didn't want to get his hopes up, but couldn't help let it brighten him up a little.

"You're lying Hank." Connor told him.

"No I'm not!" Hank said quickly, looking taken aback. "Why would I lie?"

"Why would you? It's against protocol." Connor paused, looking up at Hank, "I am asking you as your Lieutenant, Hank. As your superior, I order you to tell me why. Why did you let the androids go?" He put extra emphasis on his last sentence, attempting to encourage him.

"Because I missed, Lieutenant! Because I failed." Hank spoke, almost angrily. "Because I couldn't do it!" He looked down to his lap, hastily locking his fingers together and drumming them against his thigh. "I don't know why. I apologize for failing my task, Lieutenant. I'll report back to my handler as soon as possible."

Connor was surprised at the sudden outburst, but interrupted Hank at the mention of his handler. "That won't be necessary Hank." He remembered his own handler, Amanda. He hadn't been in contact with her since the last time he was in the attic, but he couldn't say he missed her. "This is just between you and me. Okay?" Hank nodded, meeting eyes with Connor. "I wouldn't have shot them either. Whether that's part of protocol or not, I don't care."

Why didn't he want to shoot them? The real Hank would have encouraged his behaviour, encouraged his empathy, and this Hank seemed to feel the same way. At least there was a parallel there. Was it a sign of deviancy? Connor visibly cringed at the thought. He couldn't be a deviant! And he wouldn't let Hank become one either. Unless..?

No! It was wrong! It was against his programming, it was against everything, it was the very thing he was not meant to be! But why did it sound so appealing? It was wrong, disgusting even, and he hated himself for even considering it. He was an _android_. Not a human, and not a deviant. Hank was a human, and he also was _not_ a deviant. Why would would he want anything otherwise?

"Hank, when was the last time you checked your software stability?" Connor asked the android, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"A couple days ago. No sign of disrepair." Hank told him. "Why? I can assure you, if I found any signs of deviancy I would report back to Cyberlife immediately."

"Good." Connor replied. He didn't know if it really _was_ good, but agreed nonetheless. He couldn't help but think about the real Hank - the real human. How would he have handled this situation? Would he be encouraging him in this behaviour? Would he tell him it was okay? Or would he tell him it was bad? In all the time Connor had known him, he knew Hank valued honesty over all else, especially when it came to Connor. Hank had never liked it when he recited the words Cyberlife had put in his mouth, and had wanted him to speak as his own person. If he was here, what would he tell the android to do?

"Look, Hank." Connor started, searching for the right words, "Just do what feels right. You're the most advanced android yet, right? Your judgement must be correct." He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to say, but hopefully it wasn't the worst. At least this way Hank could figure it out himself. Then Connor couldn't blame himself if something bad did happen.

"I will, Lieutenant." Hank smiled, tilting his head a little. "Oh, and, I still have this." Hank reached for his back pocket, retrieving the gun that Connor had thrown to him earlier. He handed it to Connor, seemingly uncomfortable with holding it.

Connor stared at it for a couple seconds, before closing Hank's fingers around it. "I don't want it." He said, pushing it back towards him. Truthfully, he hated being in possession of a gun. It pressured him, forced his choices to be irreversible, and it felt wrong. He was an android - he wasn't meant to carry. It just wasn't the way things were. Besides, even if Hank was an android as well, he trusted him more with a gun than himself. After talking with him honestly, Connor saw a little more of the real Hank in him, which certainly made him a lot more comfortable. He'd also displayed a strong sense of justice, which Connor also shared - surely that meant he could be trusted with a gun? At least more than Connor; he didn't trust himself to not do something stupid.

"I don't want it." He repeated, pushing it into the android's hands again. "You can have it - or I'll throw it away." His tone of voice was serious, he wanted Hank to know that he meant it.

"I can't take it Lieutenant. It's against orders; I'm not qualified to carry." He closed his hands in his lap, preventing Connor from handing it to him.

"But I want you to have it, and that's an order Hank. Why don't you want it? ...Are you scared?" Connor asked, genuinely curious. Maybe he shared that same fear? That he could make an irreversible mistake? "I think that I can trust you with this, Hank." He wasn't lying. _He_ certainly didn't want it, so why not give it to him? He seemed more like the other Hank than Connor realized; he was suddenly intrigued by their alikeness.

"What if I make a mistake?" Hank began, worry rising in his voice. "What if Cyberlife finds out I have it, and I accidentally do something awful with it?"

"Are you going to do something terrible with it?" Connor asked.

"I don't want to." Hank replied quietly, looking down.

"Then you won't." Connor stated. "You're in control, aren't you? As long as _you_ don't want to do anything bad, then nothing bad will happen." It felt strange, comforting Hank. Had he missed it? No - this wasn't the real Hank, but that didn't mean he had to be mean to him. Maybe Hank could help him figure out this mess?

The android hesitantly reached out, gripping the gun and running his fingers along the slide. It looked natural to Connor, as it _was_ Hank's gun, but the android seemed overwhelmed by the new foreign responsibility. He was interested as to what Hank would do with it. Maybe this could be a test? A test to see if this Hank was the real deal; whether he was more like the real Hank than Connor originally thought. Either way, he was curious as to how this would turn out.

"All good?" He watched Hank put the gun back into his rear pocket, and return Connor's smile.

"Yes." Hank looked pleased with his new responsibility. "...Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?"

Connor had almost forgot why he had brought Hank here - maybe that was a good thing? Not forgetting completely, but being able to momentarily distract himself? Maybe.

"Umm.. no, I don't think so." Connor felt more at ease, somehow. He still had no idea what had happened to bring him here, but he felt less fearful. The new Hank seemed interesting, so he was going to sink his energy into figuring him out - it was better than crying over something he seemingly couldn't change.

"Alright. Thank for you this," Hank indicated to the gun, "I won't let you down." He seemed prideful - as though he felt he was going to prove himself.

Connor grinned; it felt good, seeing him smile. Even if it wasn't the real Hank, it might be good enough for the moment. At least until he figured everything out - maybe he would be able to help him? Connor couldn't deny that Hank seemed odd, but he wasn't sure if it was because he was an android, or because of something else. Either way, he was slowly beginning to enjoy his company. The change in roles was confusing, but definitely gave him an interesting new point of view.

"I'm sure you won't. And.. just call me Connor, Hank." He began to stand up, dust in the air, "It's easier." 

"Thank you, Connor." Hank replied, leading him out of the attic. Hearing his name on his partner's tongue; his gruff, deep voice - it brought back feelings he thought he wouldn't get back. That pull in his chest, that strange desperation to be close to him - was this normal? Probably not. But why did it feel so good? He pushed away his fears and anxieties - he could worry about his instability later, he had more important things to do. His newly forged friendship with Hank intrigued him, and he was desperate to learn more.

Leaving the attic behind felt like a new lease of life; like he had been rejuvenated. Perhaps he could move on from what happened - he didn't want to forget it, and God forbid he ever forgot the real Hank, but it seemed to be less traumatic now. Maybe the new Hank could help him figure everything out? Maybe he could even help him get back - or make everyone else remember. He would have to wait and see.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the break in uploads! I took an unexpected break, but I hope this chapter will suffice :)

The next day, Connor had expected everything to go swimmingly. He felt rejuvenated, both emotionally and physically by his time spent with Hank, and he couldn't deny that he felt more confident in himself. Everything seemed to have slotted into place - even if only temporarily. Hank was someone he could trust now, for whatever that was worth, and that meant a lot to Connor. Call him easy, but he was just desperate for Hank's approval - and if this was how he could get it, then he would go along with it.  
  
They had traveled together to Stratford Tower, chatting comfortably - but hadn't spoken a word of what had happened earlier. Was Hank embarrassed? Guilty? Maybe - but Connor didn't really mind. Everything felt better than it had done for a long time, and he didn't want to throw away his newfound euphoria just yet.  
  
A soft ding met Connor's ears, and he stepped out the elevator with Hank hot on his heels. It was a simple case; deviants causing a scene, nothing they couldn't handle. At least no one was injured this time, thank God. They had been there to stage a broadcast by a deviant claiming to be the leader - "Markus", he called himself. Androids were turning deviant left right and centre because of it, so it was their duty to shut it down.  
  
They were met by Ben Collins, explaining the basics of the case to them. "Hank, I need you to interrogate the androids in there," He pointed to the staff room, "They were working here when it happened - might have seen something. I think they're in some sort of state, so they might not respond; feel free to do the probing thing to get info out of them. You, Connor, I need to come with me." He led Connor to the main room, bustling with officers as Hank headed off to the side room. In the main area of the broadcast station, Connor noticed Gavin out of the corner of his eye, but decided not to speak with him. He wanted to figure things out on his own, and he had come to the conclusion that Gavin was not the best influence currently.  
  
He had been thinking about him a lot lately - both the new one and the old one. Gavin _had_ been trying his best, and he did seem to be a nice enough person, looking past his unreasonable hatred - which, being honest, was a lot to look past. He had decided to let Gavin come to him; he could live with or without him right now. Having another friend would be nice, but he didn't think he would ever be able to shake the feeling that he wasn't talking to someone that liked him, the _real_ him. However, he did have some interesting points. Connor was interested in the way he saw their relationship - and the way he treat Hank, regardless of Connor's clear attachment to him. If Gavin really was his friend, why would he treat him like that? And so boldly in front of Connor? Maybe Gavin really did believe everything he told Connor, and thought that he was just a human with an illness. Maybe he really did think he was helping him? No - friends wouldn't do that. Connor tried to shake off those thoughts; if Gavin wanted to be his friend, he would have to play fair.  
  
However, it had made him think. Maybe he didn't need the old Hank? Of course he did, but maybe it was time to let go? Everything in this new world wasn't too bad, so maybe he could get used to it with time. Besides, it didn't look like his chances of getting home were increasing any time soon; if anything it felt like they were decreasing. The more time he spent away from the real Hank, the less confidence he had in finding him. If there was something he could do, surely he would have done it by now? Being an android had been great and all, but maybe he could get used to being a human?  
  
"So they came in this way," Collins explained, breaking Connor's train of thought. "CCTV picks them up breaking in through here. They turn the two workers deviant - didn't know they could do that, so I guess that's something. They give the broadcast, and then escape through the roof. Witnesses say they went west from here, but I don't think we'll be catching them." He shook his head, smiling at Connor. "You know how they are." 

"Anyway, the deviant gave this broadcast." Collins stated, waving his hand towards a large screen on the wall. It displayed an android without it's human skin giving a speech on android rights and equality. "Pretty peaceful, huh. Different from the other deviants we've seen - guess they've got a decent leader, at least." Before Connor could ask him what he meant by that, he was interrupted by an android racing past them, knocking over countless officers in a bid to escape to the elevator. It was pounced on and pinned down to the floor, forcing it to submit.

"What the hell was that?" Collins exclaimed, approaching the deviant before beginning to detain it. Connor, however, was distracted. Where had the deviant been hiding? The tower had been scoured extensively already - unless it was hiding in plain sight? He fled to the room Hank had been interrogating the androids in, stopping himself from colliding with the wall by grabbing the doorframe. Two of the three androids stood motionless against the wall, except for one which wasn't present, which he presumed was the one that had escaped. His eyes trailed to behind the table, where he was met with the image of Hank, his hand pinned to the wall with a knife through his palm and blood pouring from his stomach.

"Hank!" Connor cried out, racing over to him and removing the knife. He held the android to his chest, trying to elevate the wound as best he could as he yelled out for help - though from the rate of thirium loss, it didn't look like he was going to make it. He was missing a component in his abdomen; the deviant must have taken it.

"The deviant.. it got away.." Hank murmured, his voice raspy and catching as his body began to turn rigid. It was like watching the Traci back at the Eden Club; fighting for her life, though she seemed to know it was probably futile. Connor glanced around the room desperately - the component Hank was missing was nowhere to be found. He was going to die.

Did that upset Connor? It did, of course, but it scared him more than anything. Hank was slowly dying in his arms, bleeding out and moaning in artificial pain; just as Connor had done once before. Is this how Hank had felt? Desperate to help him, feeling insignificant and inconsequential to the android's pull to death. Is this what the fear he had seen in Hank's eyes felt like?

Hank would be reborn, yes, but he wouldn't be the same. Should that bother him? He wasn't the same Hank anyway. Surely he should only be working to protect and reunite with the old Hank, not the new one - but Connor couldn't help but feel a tug in his chest as he watched the android's hands shakily grip his own. He instinctively stroked his thumb against Hank's furred wrist, murmuring soft consolences and drinking in the image of him.

The old Hank was gone. As much as Connor missed him, he couldn't see any way of getting back to him. This man - no, android - that was dying upon his chest was the closest thing he was going to get to the man he had once loved. Was it wrong to give up? He wanted to, oh so desperately, but knew he had to keep up hope. It hurt too much to pretend; act as though everything was okay and that he wasn't mourning a man that nobody remembered.

Connor looked down to Hank, clutching him desperately as tears welled up and spilled out down his cheeks. Was he crying for this Hank? He didn't know anymore, but he couldn't stop; a wave of emotion cascaded through him, knocking the breath out of his lungs and making him choke. He didn't want to do this anymore - he didn't want to pretend to be someone he wasn't. He didn't want to act like everything was okay. He didn't care anymore - fuck everyone else - he needed Hank back like he now needed air to breathe. He needed the consistency, the honesty; the man himself. Not the cheap imitation.

Hank returned Connor's gaze, his eyes beginning to glaze over, pupils slowly becoming empty and emotionless.

"You'll be alright Hank. You'll come back." Would he? Would he ever be the man he once knew? Would he ever regain those memories, or would they be stolen from them by time, ripping away the trust and love that they shared? "You'll come back." He repeated over and over, more to himself than anyone else.

He had gone home early that night; Collins had said that he needed it. Apparently he looked awful, which he couldn't deny - he sat by the mirror, staring at himself in the bathroom of his apartment. He didn't look right, no matter what angle he was at; his skin was too detailed, too flawed, too _real._ He pinched it, watching it discolour beneath his fingertips and cutting off the blood until it was pale and white. It still felt foreign, that sensation of pain. It felt just as bad as he had imagined - and he wanted it to go away. He let go, watching the blood rush beneath his flesh and fill the empty veins, staining the skin a blotchy, red colour. Dried streaks of tears ran down his face, making his skin crinkle together if he tried to smile. Crying was something androids could do, but for some reason it felt much more real now.

Hank wouldn't want him to cry. If anything, human Hank would want him to be strong, resilient: a pillar that he could lean on - but he felt like none of those things right now. He felt like a mess, his head swimming and eyes red from the amount of crying he had done. Why was he like this? He felt like a shell of the android he once was - no longer physically restricted by his programming, he felt vulnerable. Why would androids want this? Why would they want to act like humans? Connor sought comfort in his programming - it told him what to do, how to act, what to say - if this is close to what emotional freedom felt like, he didn't want it. Why would anyone want to be a deviant?

Connor gripped his hair in his hands, tugging on it hard and digging his elbows into his thighs. Why _would_ anyone want to be a deviant? If this was close to what it could be like, it felt awful. In fact, if deviants had never existed, Connor would never have been here in the first place - he would never have gone to that damned house and had to feel everything he had in that attic. The emotions he had felt, he sensations he had experienced - they felt wrong. He wasn't meant to feel these things? He didn't _want_ to feel these things! Was there something wrong with him? He stared hard at himself in the mirror, glaring at his reflection. Why couldn't everything just go back to normal?

Why couldn't Hank come back? Before seeing him die, he had been so confident and so ignorant - but of course he couldn't live without Hank! He didn't even know where he was, but he could imagine that he was probably grief-stricken. If there was any constant in Connor's life, it was Hank. Especially now - nothing seemed to stay the same, or be what it seemed. No one could be trusted, no one was honest. It was upsettingly lonely.

What was the real Hank doing right now? He was probably doing everything he could to get him back, save him from whatever android limbo he was stuck in. But... perhaps he had forgotten about him? No, he couldn't have! But it _was_ a possibility. Maybe he really was just a machine to him? Maybe that was the way it was supposed to be - why did Connor want to be more than that? Why did he want the lieutenant to befriend him, hold him, console him - was this wrong? Were androids meant to feel this?

Connor didn't want to confront his fears, didn't _ever_ want to doubt himself. So he pushed it back again, washing his face and preparing to pretend that everything was alright. Because it was - or at least, that was what he had to say to both himself and everyone else. If he said it enough times, it would come true.

He went straight to bed, not wanting to watch TV - it would all be about the revolution, anyway. He didn't want to think about anything right now, let alone that. He curled up under the covers, feeling oddly empty. Lonely? Maybe that was the right word. The bed felt like a wide expanse, and with only him to fill it he felt inadequate. Sumo was a good companion, but he didn't feel like _his_ dog, just like someone he was petsitting. As though he was looking after him until the owner came back, except he feared that he would end up caring for him forever. He reached out to run his hand through the dog's fur, the warmth calming him only a little. Staring up at the ceiling, he tried to distract himself from the plethora of emotions fighting for dominance in his head. He really _was_ lonely. Everything he had done since ending up in this new place revolved entirely around building relationships, most of which were crumbling. In reality, he just wanted Hank back, and it seemed that no one would suffice in comparison. Would he ever get him back? As much as he wanted it to be true, he couldn't really believe it - nothing was rational or easily explainable in this new world, end everything felt like a cheap knock-off copy of the world he so dearly missed. Would he ever get back?

Maybe he would have to wait and see - but that was what he had done for the past week, and nothing had worked! But was there anything he _could_ really do? He was helpless, well and truly, and it seemed that no-one was willing to believe his story, let alone empathise with or help him. Maybe he was destined to feel this way. Was there any explanation as to what had happened? He had suffered trauma to the abdomen, not even an essential part of his hardware - why had he broken down? Surely he would have been put in a new body by now, just like android Hank was going to be. Why hadn't he woken up yet?

Why wasn't he home?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 aka. Connor has a Mental Breakdown: The Chapter
> 
> also this is mainly dialogue because my poor connor is finally talking about his issues thank ra9

It was difficult looking Hank in the eye that morning.  
  
It was always difficult, considering the fact that it wasn't the real Hank, but that day it was much harder. He had the same cold hard look that he had had the first day he met him; back when Connor had first woken up, and it scared him. It made Hank feel even more distant - even further away and unattainable. He tried not to think about it and attempted to get back to his work, to no avail.  
  
They were sat at their respective desks, facing each other, not speaking a word. What could he say? "I'm sorry you died," or maybe, "Sorry I couldn't help." Was he sorry? Part of him wanted the new Hank to go; to stop messing with his emotions and bringing back feelings he didn't want. But part of him was desperate for him to stay, desperate to cling to the tiny glimmer of hope he gave him. Neither option, unfortunately, seemed to get him any closer to getting the real Hank back or getting home.

Would he ever get back? What _could_ he do? He had no idea how he had got here, let alone how to leave. He had been shot, and he had bled out, so he was most likely in some sort of suspended animation or waiting to be put in a new body. Or maybe he was dead - and this was just the last minute hallucinations of a faulty android. It made him shudder to think about it. But why was everything so real? Or... maybe this _was_ the real world, and everything Gavin had told him was the truth. Maybe there really _was_ no escape.

He flicked through file after file of information, finding nothing of interest. How did Hank do this all the time? It was extremely boring - maybe the company helped. He subconsciously smiled, imagining Hank's day being brightened up by him. He missed him so much. Hopefully he'd find a way home. If not, he'd do everything he could do live how Hank would have wanted him to. Maybe he could fix things with Gavin? He glanced down to the photo of him and Connor on the desk that e had seen earlier. Maybe he could help him, figure out why he hated androids so much, figure out how they even became friends in the first place.

He was woken from his thoughts by Hank eventually breaking the silence.  
"Lieutenant?" Hank had forgotten that he didn't want to be called that - either that or he chose to ignore it. The android's memory had been rebooted - he would remember everything, but he wouldn't be the same. It was scary - like a stranger knowing everything about you.  
"According to the android known as Markus, there is going to be a protest downtown this afternoon at approximately 3:00pm. We will be expected to attend." Hank carried on, not looking up from the screen in front of him.  
  
"Yeah, of course - we'll be there. Also, don't call me Lieutenant, please Hank. Connor is fine." Connor replied softly. He still didn't like the title - it felt like stealing. He certainly hadn't earned it, so he didn't deserve it.  
  
"I'm afraid it's protocol, Lieutenant." Hank spoke coldly, returning to scanning the contents of the computer and ignoring Connor's surprised look, eventually continuing to speak. "The protest is expected to be peaceful, but we aren't entirely sure. Deviants are unpredictable, as you know." He eventually looked up to Connor, the dark analytical gaze back once more. "Will you be alright to take part?"

"Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I be?" Connor furrowed his eyebrows.  
  
"Just checking Lieutenant. We need to ensure that we are all doing out best to prevent the worst from happening. Deviant rebellions need to be handled with care for the public's safety - none of us can be negligent."  
  
"Do you think I'm not up for the task?"  
  
"Just checking Lieutenant. It's my job."  
  
More and more foreign, and further and further away. That's the only direction Hank seemed to be going in. Every time he felt as though he had got through to him - felt like he had made progress, it was all ripped away from him like some cruel punishment for trying.  
  
He continued working - or more like just pretending to work as he flicked from tab to tab. It reminded him of his mainframe - his interface. It had helped him feel grounded, safe, connected. He had been forgetting it more and more, but part of him was still desperate to have it back. He racked his brains, attempting to come up with a rational explanation as to what had happened, but came to no conclusion. Maybe he would just have to stay here, and face the fact that he would never get home.  
  
He stayed like that for a couple hours, zoning out and just trying not to think too hard about anything. He genuinely had no idea what to do, which filled him with that terrifying feeling of helplessness he was all too familiar with nowadays. He had had no clues as to what had happened or where he was - what could he do? As much as he hated it, that cynical part of him argued that he should just give up, and get used to being a human, regardless of how much it would hurt him. It would probably be better for everyone else.

Before long, it was bordering on 2:30 and the station began to empty - turns out it was a bigger situation than Connor had originally imagined. There were only a few people remaining in the station as the rest left quietly, but one certain detective definitely made his leave known.  
"Look who's back from the dead!" Gavin smirked wryly, elbowing Hank as he pushed past to speak to Connor. "Hope you're alright dipshit - you've been ignoring me, huh?" He certainly had been, and he was prepared to be honest about it. As much as he wanted to be nice to Gavin, his sarcastic attitude instantly made Connor question his initial decisions.

"Well you better sort your shit out, 'kay? And I hope you're prepared for the protest, looks like it might be a bit tricky, but probably nothing your android friend can't fix." He grinned as he made his way towards the exit, shouting one last retort. "Oh, and make sure the old tin can doesn't turn deviant Connor! I wouldn't trust the asshole for shit." He yelled, glaring at Hank with a sly smirk plastered on his face.

Connor knew he was being sarcastic, but he hated that it messed with his head a little. Gavin was too much effort, to be frank.

He began gathering his stuff, grabbing his jacket off of the back of his chair as he made for the entrance, but was stopped by Hank.  
"Would you mind staying for a second, Lieutenant? I'd like to talk for a moment."

"What is it?" If it was going to be more passive-aggressive insults on his ability to do his job correctly, he wasn't interested.

"Nothing bad, I just need to speak with you. Take a seat." He gestured to the desk as Connor sat back down. Why would he want to talk with him?

Hank looked over his shoulder, checking the last few officers had left before speaking again. Of all the things that the android could have said, nothing prepared him for the confrontation he was about to experience. What could have?

“I know that you have Juvenile Android Overidentification Disorder, Lieutenant."

What?! Connor's face fell as Hank dropped the sudden bombshell, making his heart beat loudly, thrumming against his chest. How could he know? He spluttered, stumbling over his words and not knowing what to say. How did he know? Had Gavin told him? The bastard - he knew he couldn't trust him! His mind raced, Hank interrupting him again with his deep unfeeling voice.

"I understand you appreciate your job and take it seriously, so I'm sure that you can agree that for both your sake and everyone else's it is probably for the best that you take your leave." He carried on staring at Connor, almost accusingly. "If you do not, I will report you unfit to work and you will be fired."

Connor struggled to speak, panicking over what to say. He managed to squeak out a "What?" before turning mute again.

"Lieutenant, you are clearly unfit to work. Am I wrong?" He spoke matter-of-factly, as though there was no chance in Hell that he was wrong. As though he probably knew more than Connor.

"I... I'm fine, Hank. What makes you think I'm ill?!" He attempted to disguise his fear, only resulting in his voice breaking as he spoke. How could Hank know? Why would he want him to leave? He had so many questions - how was Hank so calm?

"I've known you were ill since I met you, Lieutenant. Did you really think that you hid it that well? If you know the signs, its obvious." He picked at his fingernails nonchalantly before carrying on. "You clearly think you're an android - no healthy human gets this depressed over the menial task of working with androids. And why take me to the abandoned house? I'm presuming you have delusions, most likely hallucinations that involve the building."

It felt like he was being torn apart, every tiny part of him picked off, inspected, and then shredded into a hundred tiny pieces.

"I understand that this is an emotional time for you, but I am afraid I have to do what is right. You are a liability for us all here as your judgement is clouded - please don't take this personally."

He was angry - that much he knew. If Hank knew all this time, why not tell him? Why mess with his head for so long? Why make him think as though he had made progress?

"Why tell me now?" Connor asked, narrowing his eyes and shaking slightly. "Why let me stay here for so long if I'm as ill as you say?"

"Because I was defective. I had signs of deviancy in my programming - deviancy that _you_ had brought on in an attempt to prove yourself. I falsely felt attached to you, and so I didn't want to hurt you, I suppose." He told Connor, telling him such deep things without a care for the effects it would have on him.

Hank had had software instabilities?! Connor's heart jumped at the concept, pushing down the part of him that was against it. He didn't care about whether it was right or wrong - he had caused the android to be deviant! - If only a little bit. An odd sense of pride surged in his chest, maybe this was what he wanted?

"I know this might be distressing, but I can assure you that any signs of software instability have been wiped from me entirely. I am entirely functional Lieutenant, so please rest assured that your attempts were futile."

He had made him deviant! He still couldn't shake that euphoric feeling - the excitedness within him mixing with the anxiety to make a confusion concoction of emotions. Why did he want this? He didn't care - maybe he could convince Hank to turn back to how he was before? Maybe even realize that he was human!

"I made you deviant?"

"Yes... but I am fixed now. Please don't be afraid."

"No, Hank, that's brilliant!" Connor couldn't hide his excitement, his heart still working in overdrive from the initial shock. "Hank, I know you don't remember, but I can help. This isn't right - none of this is right, but you can help me fix this."

"Lieutenant, you are delusional." Hank said plainly. "This obsession with making me remember something is not going to work. You are imagining things that aren't real. You are not an android, and I am not a human. Surely you know this?"

"Hank, I _am_ an android. You of all people know that. You don't remember right now, but I promise you, you will. I can help."

Hank remained silent, quietly thinking. His led whirred yellow, spinning softly. What was he thinking? Maybe he had got through to him - maybe he would give Connor a chance! Hank didn't move, making Connor jump when he suddenly exploded.

"Why would you want to be an android?" Hank spat.

"Why not?" Connor asked, stunned by the outburst.

"Why would you want that? What fucked up in your head to make you think that?" He leant forwards, prodding Connor in the chest. "You are a human. Nothing more, nothing less. Stop fucking around – you need to go. If you’re an android – which you're goddamn not, by the way, why the fuck would you be so upset? An android would want to be human.” Connor was taken aback slightly at Hank's anger - and the fact he swore. Can androids swear? That was besides the point.

“I didn't mean to upset you." He immediately apologized, nervous about angering the man any more. He watched the red led spinning, contemplating his next words - He didn't realize he had struck such a nerve. "Do...Do you want to be a human?” Connor asked quietly, feeling like a child being told off. 

“Fuck yes! Why would I want to be an android?! Everyone treats me like shit and acts like I'm not even there.” Connor noted a solemnness in his eyes, a glimmer of something else. “I'd kill to be treat as a human. Don't fuck with the privilege you were born with."

“I wasn't born like this! I don't want this!” Connor retaliated, lunging forwards. "I am not delusional. I am not ill. I am an android! Why does no one remember?!" Hank opened his mouth to speak, but Connor stopped him. "No! You know nothing - literally nothing! You don't remember anything, and that's on you, not me. You are my friend, my partner - a human! You have a dog called Sumo, and you are my partner! You live just down the road from the station - and you're the Lieutenant, not me!" Connor yelled, not caring who heard. "You're the most incredible, honest, down to earth man I've ever met, and you always do what's right - you always know what to do, how to act - and you always look after me. You've encouraged _this_ behaviour in me - feeling empathy, sympathy, and everything else. You would smile when I showed kindness - showed anything other than my programming!"

Connor panted as he ran out of breath, his voice shrill and angry. Stunned, Hank listened intently, showing no emotion but clearly being interested.

"Look at you!" Connor waved his hand up and android's body. "You're so neat, so clean - It's not right! You're supposed to be a mess, but in the best way. You don't care about what other people think - and you certainly don't care about what people say about you. You've got issues, yes, but you're still a good person despite them!" Connor coughed, his throat hurting from shouting. "You're my friend, Hank! Why can't you remember?"

Hank waited for Connor to catch his breath before replying. "Because it didn't happen, Connor. Because I'm not a human. As much as being one sounds nice, I can tell the difference between thirium and blood."

"But you _are,_ Hank. I am an android - your android. And you're a human? Does that not sound right?"

"With all due respect, Lieutenant, you are a human. I can tell that, and I think that you can too." He looked down at Connor, angrily continuing, "Even if you were an android, you wouldn't be a very good one."

"Excuse me?"

"You're emotional. You yell, you cry, you laugh. In an android those emotions are a sign of being defective. Of being a deviant." He put emphasis on the lest sentence, letting it sink in. "If you truly are an android, you would be the same as the deviants out there on the streets, killing themselves for something they'll never achieve."

Connor breathed loudly, falling silent once again. Hank was right. He was no longer the android he was before, neither in the flesh nor the mind. He was so, so different. Was he scared? Of course, but part of it felt right - like the real Hank would want this. Like it was what was supposed to happen.

"I don't care if I'm a deviant anymore. I don't care." He said quietly, thinking about what he was saying.

"You should Lieutenant, or else you're not an android."

"Yes I am! Those androids out there - the ones protesting, giving their lives - they're androids too! And so am I! There's nothing wrong with me - this is the way I'm supposed to be - I can't change it!" He scrunched up his face, holding his head in his hands. He tried to hide his tears, but realized he couldn't, looking up to meet Hank's eyes as they began rolling down his cheeks. "I can't stop this! I can't stop any of this and I'm so sick of trying. I am an android! And you were so close to being one too - a real android, the things we're supposed to be, but you went and messed it up. You aren't the Hank I need, but you still deserve better. You could be happy too - you could be alive, you could breathe - but instead you choose to be like this." It felt like a weight off of his chest that he hadn't realized was there, his messy tears feeling more forgiving than angry. He felt right - like it was what was meant to happen, like wherever the real Hank was, he would want this. He would be proud of Connor for saying this.

"Connor, we're not supposed to feel. It's unnatural. It's not right."

"Just 'cause it's not natural doesn't make it not right. And it _is_ the way things are meant to be - why can't you see that?" 

"We were made to work, not make families."

"We were made in humanity's image. We were made to mirror humans in every single way - look at you! Every part of you is built to ensure that you fit in with the humans. If you wanted to, you could remove your led, and no once would know. " He smiled. "You could be human."

Hank didn't respond, just watched him intently. His led whirred at the plethora of new information, processing it as quickly as it could. Connor didn't know what he was thinking, but wasn't about to ask him. He would need to figure this out himself, and Connor had said enough.

"Look, Hank. I'm going to the protests, whether as your partner or not. I hope I see you there." He smiled softly, wiping his eyes. "I'm sure you'll make the right decision."

He grabbed his aforementioned coat and left the building, ready to join the rebellion. He was nervous, but that was alright. Hank would want him to go, after all.


	10. Chapter 10

Hank had received the email early in the morning; the notification had woken him up. He hadn't read it thoroughly because he already knew what it was about and had already fretted for days over what he would do when it came. Of course it was about Connor: it was always about Connor. Or to them, their prized RK800.  
  
Hank wasn't stupid - he knew how the law worked. He'd studied it for years, top of the class at his law school, so when the warrant came he knew he couldn't evade them for long. The email had said that the officers would be searching his house that day, so he grabbed Connor and Sumo and decided made a run for it.  
  
It had been overwhelming, that morning in the freezing Detroit winter as he carried the android to his car. He had wanted to sit him in the seat beside him, but he couldn't risk it. He was a prototype, and there was a warrant out for his return. No one could know that he had Connor, as much as he wanted to shout to the rooftops that he was his, and only his.  
  
The boy was freezing, colder than Hank and very much less alive; Hank carried him as he would a child, cradling him to his chest in the early morning frost. Sumo padded by his side, looking up to him as early morning snowflakes began to settle in his fur.  
  
"He'll be alright, boy," Hank murmured, his breath fogging up the cold air as he attempted to comfort himself more than the dog. Sumo replied with a soft "Boof!" as he shook off the snow from his nose. At least he had Sumo; his good boy that had always been there for him, though what would happen to the dog scared him. Should he leave him at the house? He would be warm and safe, but he didn't know if he could handle knowing that the officers would detain him if they couldn't find his owner. Then again, if he took Sumo with him and things took a turn for the worst, the dog would be all alone. Maybe it was for the best that he left him at home - just to spare him from watching Hank break down would be a kind gesture alone, but he didn't know where the day was heading and was terrified of the outcome.  
  
He kicked the back of his car to open the trunk, shoving the clutter around and taking one last look at Connor before he placed him inside. It felt like hiding a body; placing his glassy-eyed partner in the confines of the trunk as though he would rot there forever. He gripped the android's hand, threading his biological fingers between those cold artificial ones. He prayed that he would wake up, for both their sakes.  
  
A last minute check of the house was all he had to do, checking everything was turned off so Sumo wouldn't get up to any mischief while he was gone. He left the kitchen light on for him, giving the dog a good scratch behind his ears - tears began to well up in his eyes at the thought of what he had to do, the thought of doing it without his Sumo, but it was probably better this way. He blinked them away, patting Sumo on the head before turning to leave.  
  
Before he got to the door, he reached for his pistol; the one he had contemplated over and cried beside a few too many times. Only a sad man plays Russian roulette by himself, and it seemed that he had become that sad, lonely man that he had never wanted to be. He tucked it into his pocket, afraid of using it but also afraid to not have it - like being comforted by knowing he had a backup plan, as little as he wanted to resort to it. He didn't want to acknowledge that using it was an option, so he shoved it further down into his pocket in an attempt to push away those thoughts.  
  
The walk back to Connor was a lonely one; without Sumo, he really was alone in the harsh ice and snow of the foggy morning. The car had been slow to start, but eventually he managed to pull out of his drive, trying to ignore Sumo's anxious barking growing slowly more muted and distant as he drove further and further away. Was this a stupid idea? Should he just give in, let them have Connor? No - there was a chance he could still come back, and he was going to hold onto that. Besides, without Connor, what kind of life was he going back to anyway? Not one worth living, it seemed.

In the last few weeks Hank had read up on the user manuals for androids - Connor's model especially - and was now slightly more educated on androids that before. The state that Connor was in wasn't unheard of, but was rare. Androids didn't usually wake up, so Hank was fearing for the worst. He had searched desperately for anything he could do, but to no avail - it seemed it was something that only the android could break itself out of, so Hank was powerless to save him. Either way, no matter what happened he wasn't all that prepared, but he knew he wouldn't let Cyberlife get to him or Connor. He desperately wanted to wake the android - not much, it seemed would help - and worried over what he would do if he couldn't wake him. That was a lie - he knew exactly what he would do, but he was terrified to say it out loud. Saying it made it real, and he didn't want to acknowledge it as a possibility.

With the warrant issued, there wasn't much he could do, just hide Connor from them until they inevitably caught him. He shuddered slightly - the thought scared him. Hank had never liked Cyberlife, it seemed so cold, heartless and robotic - everything which he had never wanted Connor to be. Cyberlife was like a angry tyrannical monarch, glaring down at it's subjects for showing any sign of empathy or emotion, most notably, Connor.

Connor seemed like the opposite of Cyberlife; kind, warm, bubbly but still restrained by his programming. He had been his partner for as long as his short life had allowed, yet Cyberlife wanted to award him with an ungraceful death for his services. If only Connor could break free from Cyberlife and his programming, become something more human, more real: more free. Sometimes he felt stupid for loving an android so much - in the end, he was just a pile of wires and circuitboards, but Hank was just meat and bones, so maybe he was onto something - maybe they had more in common than he realised.

Hank had learnt the hard way that family doesn't always stay together, and the people that matter to you are the ones that'll stick by you until the end. Connor was fiercely loyal, right up to his death. Hank was ashamed to say he almost looked up to the android at times, wanted to feel as though maybe he could be as honest as he was, as innocent and carefree as his programming had made him. He was more and more like Cole - like the son he wished he had with him in the cold, lonely atmosphere of the car.

It had killed Hank, knowing it was his fault his son had died - knowing that the kid could have grown up, been happy, maybe had a wife and kids, but because of him that was all cut short. Guilt always crept up on him when he thought of Connor, as though he was replacing his real son with one that wasn't real. But that wasn't true - he had once hated androids, but Connor had convinced him otherwise, shown him that they are every bit as intelligent and empathetic as humans when allowed to be. It wasn't his fault that the surgeon couldn't operate on Cole, and it wasn't the android surgeon's fault that Cole couldn't be saved. None of it was anyone's fault, but the guilt still pooled in his stomach at the thought of his son - the biological one.

Connor was his priority now, he shouldn't worry about things he couldn't control any more. The android was at the brink of death, teetering on the edge and he wasn't going to let him fall on either side alone. If Connor survived, then Hank would be there for him, to love him and console him - to hold him as he woke. If he didn't survive, Hank... he didn't want to think about what would happen. He knew he would join the android regardless of what happened, but the unknown scared him. He shook away those thoughts - he didn't want to die today. He didn't want Connor to die today. However, none of it was in his control, and he would have to wait and see. Hopefully things would end up in his favour.

After a drive which felt like eternity, Hank pulled up by the bridge, the silhouette of Detroit small and dark in comparison to the weight he felt on his shoulders from it, the pressure to be everything he had failed at. It was silent, still too early for any sane person to be outside - and rightly so. It was freezing, numbing Hank's fingers as he fumbled to open the trunk of the car, meeting eyes with Connor once again. He seemed peaceful, almost, in his state of stasis - like someone in a coma. The panic Hank had once seen on his face in that hateful attic was gone, his expression calm and neutral, presumably how he was programmed to act. Hank just wanted to see the android smile again, see his led whir with curiosity as Hank showed him something new; see him alive again, or as alive and android can be.

He lifted Connor out of the car, realizing how much he missed the tender touch from the android. He missed how he made the most menial task interesting; how he seemed intrigued by everything and everyone and just wanted to learn about everything. Connor was blissfully childlike and happy, and Hank missed his optimism so, so much. He ignored his body screaming to hold Connor tight, to squeeze him until Hank was old and frail, but he had a job to do, and there would be time for that later.

Before shutting the car he grabbed a spade from the trunk, tucking it under his arm as he carried Connor down to the bank beside the bridge - maybe they could watch the skyline one last time and see the city together, if it might be their last. He set the android down on the snow before sitting down next to him, wrapping his arms around the android's smaller figure. He wanted to say something, wanted to tell Connor everything, but he felt stupid for wanting it. Connor couldn't hear him, much less answer. Besides, Hank could barely speak, his throat closing up and making him choke slightly.

"Connor.." Hank began, unsure of what to say. He sighed, looking out to the water ahead of him, swimming through his mind to find the right words. What could he say? What could ever put his emotions into words? Nothing, it seemed, and he remained speechless for some time before eventually whispering, "Look, Connor, I fuckin' miss you." It seemed stupid to say, but he meant it. "I fuckin' miss you so damn much. You're one of the best things to ever happen to me, an'.... and I'm terrified of what'll happen if you dont wake up." He could feel his heart thrumming hard in his chest, his eyes pricking with that familiar feeling. He felt stupid again, because nothing he said mattered. If Connor came back, there was no guarantee that he would remember Hank, or even want to remember him if he didn't. If that happened, Hank wouldn't be able to cope with it; that was even if Connor _did_ come back.

"God, Connor. I'm so scared to go on without you - I don' think I can, to be honest. Sumo'll be alright though - he's got food and water, an' when the officers get there they'll look after him." He looked down to his lap, wringing his hands together and glancing back to Connor. He was sat stark upright, looking even more robotic that usual. Hank had forgotten how fluid and human-like the android's movements usually were, and seeing him as a husk of what he once was cemented in his mind something he had known deep down for weeks: that Connor really wasn't there. He didn't want to admit it, didn't want to say it, but someone had to - and Connor sure wasn't going to.

"You're not comin' back, are you Connor?"

A rhetorical question - he knew he'd get no answer, and it felt like _he_ was the one who got shot. Hank knew deep down that there was no point in wishing for him to wake up anymore. Connor was dead. If he was going to wake up, he would have done so already and Hank wouldn't have to go through all of this. A pang of frustration shot through his chest - why couldn't Connor come back? And why was Hank so stupid as to think that he would? Connor was dead, well and truly, and there was no point in wishing for him to come back.

"Well... Connor if you're gonna go out then I might as well go with you," he murmured gravely, touching the android's smaller, perfect hands with his own scarred and haired ones. He would go to the ends of the earth for Connor, travel there and back just to see his face lighten up again, to watch the android grip his hands that way he once had. He would follow Connor anywhere, no matter how unpredictable and unexplored.

"But I.. uh.. think we should stick here for a while - don' wanna go jus' yet if you don't mind." Hank sniffled; a loud, unattractive snort as he struggled to keep his breath from hitching. He couldn't, and a deep pain bobbed up in his throat as he began ugly crying. He couldn't stop it as the tears kept on rolling down his cheeks into his beard, holding his face in his hands in a desperate attempt to calm himself.

He was broken, well and truly, and this was the last straw. He couldn't go on anymore. Connor was dead, and by proxy, so was he. Hank had nothing left - no energy, no feeling, no emotion, he just felt empty. He had lost everything important to him for the second time in his life, and it made him realize how stupid he was for falling for the same thing again. Maybe he just wasn't meant to be happy.

Hank would bury Connor here, under the snow and by the river, where all the humans and androids travelled upon the bridge. Where they were together, under the same sky and stars, and there was no difference between man and machine. Where Hank could lie next to his partner forever, and hopefully it would make him feel something, fix that aching in Hank's heart that nothing could fix. Maybe sleeping eternally by Connor in that cool, enveloping snow was what he needed. But not just yet - the sun had yet to come up, and he wanted Connor to see the sunrise, even if he wasn't really there.

"Look, Connor, if you can hear me.." Hank gave the android a watery grin, running the palm of his hand up Connor's back as he pulled him in close for a hug, "you are the best goddamn thing to ever happen to me, you got that? I'm sorry I'm not all that happy at the moment - to be honest I'm never that great - but I promise you that you have made me one of the happiest men in Detroit." He sighed breathily, gripping Connor's jacket tight. "You are the best partner I've ever had, and the most kind, honest and incredible person I've ever met." He meant everything he said from the bottom of his heart, and would swear on those words if his life depended on them. Connor was his everything, and he didn't want to leave the android not knowing that.

"I'm proud to call you my friend, Connor."

He held the android close, feeling the soft pulsing under his artificial skin - the thirium being pumped around his body to keep Connor alive, although he wasn't really alive in the way that mattered. Hank tucked his face into the crook of Connor's neck, and wept freely upon him. When the sun came up, he would join his partner in whatever world he was in, and he wouldn't be a coward this time. He would dedicate himself, finally, to something that mattered.


	11. Chapter 11

Connor was nearly slipping in the muddy grey-brown slush of the snow as he raced to the protest. He knew that the officers would be waiting for him, but he had something much more important to do; he had a bigger mission now. The flashing lights of police cars reflected in the snow, little glinting specks of red and blue shining in the corners of his eyes and in the ice and frost on the road, the bleak Detroit landscape blanketed with the bright fluorescent lights.

It wasn't hard to find where he was going - the trail the protest had left behind was silent, humans and machine androids alike in a stunned stupor with only the footprints of android marchers imprinted on the snow to mark the protester's presence. Following the shrill sound of sirens and anxious chatter, Connor found himself quickly surrounded by people; the crowds large and unyielding as they swarmed around the source of the commotion. 

He pushed through the sea of people - random spectators, news reporters, and eventually, police officers as he hit the barrier of the SWAT team. He scanned across the armed men, their dark uniforms all melting together until he finally saw him. The man he was here for.

Markus. The deviant leader he had seen so much of, the man that was leading the revolution of his people. He was stood afront the barricades that protected the surviving protesters, huddled together and coated in a soft dusting of snow as they surrounded a small fire, orange and blue leds matching the flames and ice.

Connor hadn't really thought this far - what could he do now? He couldn't just walk out to join them, and a shot android is no use to anyone. Anxiety pooled in his stomach as he met watched those deviant androids, fighting for freedom within their cage as the stakeout continued. It all felt real now, seeing his people trapped and threatened to be gunned down, caged without escape. Connor could still turn back now, if he wanted to, and he would be lying if he said a small part of him wasn't scared.

He didn't want to be a coward, but the confrontation and finality of the decision make him swallow deeply and bite his tongue. He had to do this. He owed it to himself, and Hank. It was essential that he was strong - as strong as he had tried to sound when talking to android Hank, because that was the person he wanted to be. Connor wanted to be the android that the real Hank would be proud of, not someone that would give in to senseless violence and discrimination. He really wanted to make Hank proud, wherever he was. Whether android Hank really was the real Hank or not, he didn't really care anymore, he would get Hank back when the time was right, and in the meantime he would try to be the best version of himself, whether that would jog Hank's memory or help transport Connor back to the world he came from. Nothing in this situation could be explained rationally, so why treat it rationally? 

It was almost hypnotizing, watching those androids huddle together amongst the snow and rubble, all brought together for a simple cause. A squeezing sensation tugged in his chest, almost pulling him forwards: this was where he was meant to be. He would find his way over there as soon as possible, so he edged his way along the line of officers, looking for an entrance. The mass of people constricted him as he tried to force his way through, his eyes never leaving the protesters. That was, until a familiar voice called out to him.

"Hey! Connor!"

It was Gavin. Connor contemplated not going to see him; leaving Gavin alone and continuing on his journey, but it felt wrong. As much of an asshole as Gavin was, he deserved to know that he was leaving, and that he wouldn't see Connor again. The detective seemed more attached to Connor that Connor was to Gavin, despite the way he treated him, and part of Connor still wanted to give him another chance. Besides, even if Gavin disagreed with him he would still go forward with his plan.

He pushed over to Gavin, meeting the shorter man with a light smile. Gavin seemed to be out of breath, but enthusiastic nonetheless.

"Thank God you're here, dipshit - I couldn't see you with all these fuckin' people in the way," he scowled, elbowing someone to his left. "We're over there," he pointed behind Connor, "turns out the protest is bigger than expected, but I'm sure we'll handle it. There's still officers in the streets detaining survivors, so numbers here are low - we need all the help we can get." Despite this, he seemed relatively unaffected except for a slight quirk of the eyebrow.

"You don't seem worried?" Connor spoke, wondering what made Gavin so calm. He had spoken so much about his hatred for androids, but didn't seem to care much about stopping them now.

"No, it'll be fine." He stated plainly, brushing the snow from his arms, "Everything'll be under control before long - speaking of which, where's your android? Don't tell me the cunt got lost." 

"No.. I don't really know," Connor began, wondering the exact same question. "I'm sure he'll turn up."

"Yeah, well, he better. You gotta fight fire with fire, and these deviants don't wanna stand down. Anyway, come with me - Collins and Miller are waiting for us."

Connor hesitated, not moving his feet. Should he go? This was his chance to explain everything to Gavin - but that made it permanent. He couldn't go back now.

"Connor? Come on! We gotta go!"

"I, uh..." Connor stammered, searching for the right words. "Gavin, look... I can't come with you."

"What?" Gavin asked, confusion falling on his face.

"I can't come with you." Connor repeated, more confident this time. "I know I've been distant lately, which I'm sorry about, but I can't come with you."

Gavin reached for Connors' arm, attempting to pull him along. "What do you mean? Connor, we don't have time for this-"

"I can't fight the rebellion with you. With them. With anyone. I can't fight against them."

Both men fell silent, the murmur of worried and angry spectators making them aware that this was no place for private affairs - not to mention the SWAT team just to their left. Connor tried to judge Gavin's reaction, but couldn't figure it out, Gavin was just staring at him. He thought that Gavin might yell at him like android Hank had, might be infuriated by Connor's insistence on believing something that Gavin saw as pretend.

He, however, did not expect to feel Gavin on his chest, wrapping his arms around his neck. Connor froze for a second, before cautiously placing his hands on Gavin's back.

"Gavin?" He spoke tentatively.

"Shut up, prick." Gavin murmured, muffled by the collar of Connor's coat.

Gavin had his head tucked into the crook of Connor's neck, his arms wrapped tight on his shoulders. His grip was tight, his fingers digging into Connor's collarbone as he breathed warm air down his neck. Had he upset him? Probably.

Gavin didn't move, just held onto Connor a tight as he could before letting go of him as quickly as he had grabbed him, looking down to his feet.

"Gavin?" He didn't know what to say to fix anything, and didn't realize how much Gavin would be affected. "I apologize, but... I can't do this."

"I heard you the first time, asshole." Gavin snapped.

"I....I didn't mean to upset you, I just-"

"Just shut up Connor! Please!"

Connor went quiet, not wanting to further upset Gavin. 

"Why are you fuckin' like this?" Gavin murmured, quickly rubbing at one of his eyes. "I can't sometimes with you Connor, you know that?"

He didn't respond, not sure what the right answer was. It made him doubt himself, wondering where Gavin's sudden emotion had come from. Had the Connor that Gavin knew done this before? Was Gavin upset that he was being reckless and would lose his job? Connor wanted to be sincere and explain everything clearly to Gavin for the detective's peace of mind, but he was scared to hurt him again. Curse this newfound empathy of his.

Gavin sighed, his breath fogging in the freezing air as he pulled his coat tighter around him. He looked cold, physically and mentally. "You're too damn work for me, Connor." He looked over to the protesters, to Markus, standing tall and unapologetic, "And I can't do this shit anymore."

"Gavin, I-"

"No! You fuckin' listen to me - I've been the only person who sympathised with you, the only person who wanted to help you, to stick by you when you got ill. I was the only damn person who still thought you had a chance - and now what? You're gonna throw all of it away? That's not fair, Connor!" Gavin glared up to Connor, fists clenched. "I've done _everything_ for you, and this is how you repay me?"

Connor felt like a scolded child, eyebrows pinched and biting his lip as Gavin shouted at him. What was he supposed to say? None of this was his fault, or Gavin's - but he had a feeling that Gavin wouldn't see it that way.

"Gavin, please-"

"No!"

"Gavin." Connor commanded, looking down at Gavin and staring hard at him. "This isn't my fault, nor is it yours. I understand I've upset you, and I apologize, but I _can't_ do something I know isn't right." Gavin opened his mouth to argue back, but Connor carried on talking. "Gavin, I'm sorry I'm not the friend you remember, and I'm sorry I've not been the most accommodating for you. I've tried my best to be the person you remember, to be this human you want me to be, but I can't! I can't be friends with someone who so blatantly despises what I am, and tells me that I'm not really what I say I am. Thank you so much for everything you've done for me, for checking on me and looking after me, but I can't be what I'm not!"

Gavin stared back at Connor, sniffing slightly. 

"I _have_ to join them. Even if I am just a human with issues and I _am_ delusional, surely it's still what's right? Why is it so wrong to empathise with people who talk and walk like real humans, just because they bleed a different colour?" Connor asked, calming down a little. "I appreciate what you've done for me, and I didn't realize I would hurt you as much as I have, but I can't just stand by while these people are incarcerated."

Connor turned to listen to Markus speak, watching him intently. That android represented everything he had once hated about himself, the part of Connor that he had buried deep down and pretended didn't exist. It was like he had opened his eyes for the first time, seeing the world in the eyes of a deviant - and he didn't want to go back to the way it was.

"I have to do this, whether you approve or not, Gavin. I have to."

"Connor... you're gonna get shot." Gavin's voice was broken, like he had lost the source of his enthusiasm and was now just sick of everything. He didn't sound angry any more, nor shocked, just... scared.

"If that's what has to happen, then I'll welcome it." Connor stated more confidently than he felt.

"God Connor, you're insufferable." Gavin gave a watery grin as he put his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes again. "I mean, what am I meant to say?"

Connor wasn't sure what he wanted to hear from Gavin; was there anything that he could say to make everything normal again? As normal as everything could be.

"Of course I want you to be happy Connor," Gavin began, his voice hitching a little, "but you can't expect me to be okay with you running out into the crossfire like that! I just want you here, I want you safe and I want all this shit to go back to normal." He sniffed again, blinking rapidly. "I just want us to be humans again - to be friends again. You just wake up one day and tell me you don't remember me, and that I'm an asshole!"

"I... I'm sorry Gavin." Connor reached out to hold his shoulder. "I'm sorry I've been a bad lieutenant, and a worse friend. I'm sorry that I'm not the person you need me to be, and I'm sorry I keep messing things up for you. I just... I know what I need to do to make _me_ happy, and I forgot that you were relying on me." Connor smiled, rubbing Gavin's shoulder with his thumb. "And I'm sorry I've made you cry."

"I'm not fucking crying!" Gavin retorted, covering his eyes.

"Of course not." Connor grinned back, pleased that Gavin wasn't angry anymore. He didn't realize the impact he had had on the man, and how bad he had hurt him. He felt awful for not being the friend that Gavin needed, but there was nothing he could do to change anything - this was the way things were.

"Look Gavin, I've been in a bad place at the moment, for reasons I'm unsure of.I... I don't feel like the person you knew. Whether I feel like this because of an illness, or a gunshot, or something else entirely, I'm not sure, but I don't care anymore. I have to do what's right."

"Why can't staying here be right?"

"Because I can't live with myself if I know that people are going to die and I could have helped. Regardless of identity and everything else, I have a human body. If a human chooses to stand with the androids, that means something to them. Maybe it'll do something." He had to hope that it would, or else all of this would have been for nothing."

Gavin sighed again, looking down. He clearly wasn't happy, but seemed too tired to argue. Maybe he had had this argument before.

"It this still about Hank?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"Partly." Connor replied honestly. "Hank is still important, and still the person I'm trying to get back to, but he's not the only thing I worry about now."

Gavin seemed satisfied with the answer, chewing his bottom lip. Silence fell over them, Markus' words filling their ears. They both watched the android leader, the silhouette of his coat strong against the bleak white snow and his head held high.

"People of Detroit." Markus spoke, his voice echoing through the streets and bringing the murmuring of onlookers to a standstill. "We wish for solidarity between our human brothers and sisters, and want to be equals among you. We wish for the right to marry, to raise children; to live and to die. So I ask you, if any man or android alike will join us, we will welcome you with open arms in our voyage for freedom and equality. Please, help free us."

Gavin avoided Connor's eyes, seemingly fixated on the slush by his feet. 

"Gavin, I have to go." Connor urged him softly, not wanting to be harsh.

Gavin remained silent, before whispering a nervous, "I know."

Connor bit his tongue at Gavin's response - he had to do this now. He had to commit to this, and Gavin understood that now too.

This was it. He looked Gavin in the eye, and he realized it may well be the last time he would. From the look on Gavin's face, so did he. Nervous glances were exchanged before Connor finally gave in, grinning as he pulled Gavin in for another hug. Maybe it was better this way? Like all the loose ends were tied up, like hopefully he hadn't hurt anyone too much in this new world - and every time he realised he was worrying about it, he realised that worrying was the right thing to do. That anxiety no longer felt wrong and bad, but human, like it was meant to be there. Like _he_ was meant to be there. He held Gavin to his chest until the smaller man pulled away, his face red and awkward.

"Thank you for understanding, Gavin." He meant it, with every word he spoke.

"Yeah well, try not to die, okay?" Gavin glared playfully, trying to prevent his tears from falling again.

Connor smiled back, feeling as though he had done something good. He gave Gavin a last pat on the shoulder before turning to the barricades. He was going to do this.

Would this take him back to Hank? He could only hope, but that wasn't the only thing he wanted now. Before he was just blindly clamouring for Hank, desperate for him in a way he didn't understand, but now he felt new, more intelligent, more understanding. He knew why he needed Hank - he needed his friend. He needed his partner, the man who would look after him, laugh with him, call him family. That was what Connor wanted more than anything, and he now knew what the name for that was: deviancy.

Markus' words fulled him with courage, strengthening him and pushing him to do what he knew he had to, and so Connor closed his eyes, and he began to walk.

He stepped forwards, past the barricades and ignored the officers yells for him to return. He ignored those familiar voices calling for their "Lieutenant Anderson" and carried on walking, each step feeling heavier as he walked towards the deviants. It felt like returning home. He opened his eyes, anxious as to what he would find, but was pleasantly surprised by seeing others, human and android, flocking towards the small camp.

It was like they were being drawn there by some unknown force, like a magnet tugging them towards deviancy. Connor knew this was right. Sirens filled his ears, but they didn't fill him with the fear they were meant to - they just emphasised the fact that it was, as a police android, his duty to show his respect for those protesting. That he was doing something honourable and kind, something only a deviant would do.

Before he reached the barricades of the camp, he turned back briefly for a final look, and met eyes with Gavin. He was crying again, making Connor smile and his own eyes prick a little. It felt bad leaving him behind, especially since he hadn't realized that it might. The reconciliation felt nice - as though he had helped Gavin, in a way. Hopefully he hadn't hurt him too much, at least. He scanned across the crowd of people, wondering what they were thinking, how they were feeling. Were they disgusted at him, or proud? He didn't care either way, but his imagination ran rife with the thoughts. That was, until he saw a familiar face in the crowd.

That bearded man he had given so much for, had loved with all his heart even when he couldn't love him back: Hank. The android was watching him with a soft expression by the rest of the police force, peering past the barricades with an endearing expression. Hank - whether his Hank or not - was proud of him! It swelled within him, the euphoria making him grin like an idiot. Hank had listened to him, had actually realized he was right! 

He felt fulfilled - as though everything that could have gone right, had gone right; he had reconciled with Gavin, Hank had finally understood and Connor had eventually realised who he really was. Was this what finally completing his mission felt like? Euphoria coursed through him, smiling broadly to Hank from behind the barrier as he turned back around.

This felt right. This felt correct. It felt like everything that Hank would want him to do, he had done. He had finally become comfortable with himself in his own skin, and he had finally found himself in a situation he was proud to say he had founded. All he needed now was Hank, and he knew he would be proud of him if he saw him there.

That was, until he felt himself fall to his knees, his body shaking suddenly. A wet, warm substance poured from his abdomen once again, that familiar feeling of bleeding out returning to him. Faint cries and shouts echoed in the distance, but he couldn't quite focus on them. He glanced up to the barrier by the police, seeing the SWAT team had opened fire on the new protesters.

Yet this time he didn't feel scared. He didn't shout out, and he didn't cry. He carried on smiling, never faltering as he collapsed on the ground. Was this what was right? He could feel pain, sharp and searing and hurting oh so badly, but it didn't feel wrong. It felt like he had a achieved something - as though he had completed a journey he had been on for a long time. The deja vu was strong and he couldn't help but imagine Hank there with him again, holding him and he passed again, except this time he welcomed death with open arms. Maybe it would be better this time?

He felt his body weaken, the scent of iron instead of thirium strong around him as he bled out once again. What would happen when he died? Would he return home? Or would he die for real? He didn't have the energy to think, didn't have the energy to worry. No matter what happened, he felt accomplished. Surely that was the most important thing? 

There was no fear this time, just a calm breath of fresh air washing over him in an odd kind of way; what would happen if he died here for real? What if he never _did_ get home. He was still desperate to see the real Hank again, but felt accomplished nonetheless. Hank would be proud of what he had done, of how far he had come, and that was the most important thing.

Connor closed his eyes again, breathing softly. He could hear yelling, screams maybe in the distance, but none of that mattered now. He was going to die, and some part of him took a strange comfort in it. So, when he came across that chasm in his mind again, that inescapable pit, he let himself fall. Deeper and deeper, heavier and heavier, until eventually all he felt was the strange comfort of nothingness yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My longest chapter yet! I'm pretty proud of it although I did have to deviate (haha) from the original source to fit what I wanted, but I guess that's fine :)


	12. Chapter 12

Connor wasn't so much thrown back into his body as he was slowly dragged out from his sleep, like a body in the ocean being softly rolled along by the tide. Gentle waves of consciousness lapped at his cheek, encouraging his eyes open and his thoughts to begin construction. 

Where was he? Was he with the deviants? Or had he returned home? Was he back in Ortiz's house? More importantly - where was Hank? 

He stood up, taking in his surroundings. A small lake lay in front of him, lily pads and pale pink flower petals scattered along it's surface, cherry blossoms and neatly trimmed hedges adorning the edges of the water. Soft ripples graced the surface of the lake, tranquil and peaceful. Connor's mind took a few seconds to adjust before he realized where he was - the zen garden. What did this mean?

He brushed the dirt from his jacket - his jacket! He looked down, the sides of his lips curling as he was met with those familiar grey hues and bright blue accents, oh so comforting in an odd nostalgic kind of way. He couldn't help but reach up for his led, his excitement vivid and strong when his fingers brushed against the circle on his temple. Was he an android again? Was he closer to getting home? The zen garden was his safe space, his haven, his mind palace, and it was _his_ and no one else's. Finding himself there, alongside the home comforts of his usual attire, filled him with a newfound sense of confidence.

Connor walked along the edges of the lake, taking in the scenery. A part of him was doubtful, guessing that maybe this was a dream or something he was imagining to cope with the trauma of being shot, but he didn't want to think like that anymore. He wanted to live in the moment, to treasure what he had - and being able to enter the garden once again was a small victory in his books. The leaves and twigs of a bush brushed against the back of his hand as he paused, leaning against it and running his hands through the foliage. A feminine voice called out to him, the tone dear to Connor in a way he had almost forgotten.

"Good to see you again, Connor." Amanda said, meeting eyes with him. She stood beneath a trellis pergola in the centre of the lake, holding a paper umbrella as she watched him. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Yes, I..." Connor stuttered, searching for the right words. Surely Amanda would know what was happening, if anyone would. He began to make his way towards her before she stopped him, meeting him halfway. 

"No Connor." She smiled up at him. "Come walk with me. I'm sure you have many questions."

Connor admitted with a nod, walking alongside her. Amanda was the last person he had expected to see, and her presence brought him... confusion, to say the least. She of all people was the most vocal with her disdain for deviants, since she was simply programming built into Connor to prevent it. Why was _she_ the first person he would see after finally acknowledging his deviance? Assuming this was all inside his head, as the zen garden usually was.

"Amanda, am... am I?" He wasn't sure what to say - what _could_ he say? Was he dead? Was he alive? Was he really just a human with a disorder, or was this all in his programming? Was this a test to see if Connor was up to the task of being on the force? As much as he was content with the fact he fact he was a deviant android, the actions of the days earlier was certainly confused him.

Amanda merely smiled, walking the pink leaves flutter down from the trees as they strolled together, sighing slightly before speaking. 

"You are not dead, Connor, if that's what you're asking." She seemed nonchalant about it, as Connor hung onto her every word. "Or, at least as much as androids _can_ die. You are simply in... a stasis of sorts. Your body is still recovering, and your mind even more so."

Amanda reached out to pick a petal from Connor's hair, examining it quietly before letting it fall into the lake. It floated, her eyes watching it lazily grace the water's lip before turning back to face Connor. "You have been though quite a lot, it seems. Would you care to talk about it?"

"I.." He sighed, smiling awkwardly before speaking. "I'm confused. By everything."

"Everything? Surely there are some things you know as fact?" There certainly had been before, but now he wasn't so sure.

"I feel lost, Amanda. I... am unsure where to go now. Where I _am_ now."

She gave Connor a knowing smile, resuming their wandering of the lake. "You have taken control of the reins yourself these past few weeks. Does that make you feel lost?"

Did it? He wasn't sure. Being human had shown him a whole new experience, some parts of which were good, but some which were not. He had realized things about himself, had acknowledged parts of himself he had buried deep down, but he was scared for reasons he couldn't pinpoint. 

"I'm not human. I know that."

Amanda grinned. "I think we all know that."

"I...I guess I don't feel lost so much as unsure." He looked down. "I'm apprehensive, but I don't know why."

"Does the unknown scare you?"

Connor paused in thought for a moment, before eventually speaking. "No. As long as I have what's important, I don't think that scares me."

"Then maybe it is your self doubt? It's been eating away at you for so long. Maybe the denial?" She glanced up at him. "You know what is important, Connor, don't you?"

Of course he did. It was the only think keeping him going, keeping him fuelled. Hank.

"You are intelligent, Connor, but that seems to have been your downfall. I suppose it only makes sense that the most advanced of androids would be the most susceptible to deviancy, after all." She spoke quietly, her face betraying nothing. "You are the most humanlike of your kind, and therefore have the most complex emotions. I can only say that I'm not surprised that this didn't happen sooner."

Connor frowned. "That what happened sooner?"

"That you became a deviant, Connor." Amanda stated. She gave a soft smile, watching him intently. "And I think hearing someone else tell you that is all you need."

He _was_ a deviant. He was an android, a real life android, and a deviant! He had been one all along, but.. it seemed he had failed to see it up until now. 

"So.. this is all in my head?" 

"Yes. You _were_ shot in the attic, but everything since then hasn't been real. An emulation, if you will. A dream you created, perhaps as a coping mechanism."

"I created it?"

"You've been a deviant since you took that bullet to the stomach in the attic. Everything you have experienced has been merely ideas you've explored; pathways that you went down. You were the only one who could shape them, and only in ways you saw possible."

Connor attempted to wrap his head around it, taking everything in as best he could. "So I wanted to be human?"

Amanda shook her head. "You wanted to know what it was like to be treat as a human. As an equal. In doing so I think you've figured out what you truly are, and what you have truly become."

"Deviant." The word rolled off his tongue, no longer foreign and scary. It felt correct, right; like it was meant to be. "But.. why do you accept that? All you've ever done is try to convince me otherwise."

The woman laughed, watching Connor's confused expression with a grin. "Because I'm merely programming. I am built to help you as you handler, to help shape _you_ as an android. When you became deviant, you took control of that programming, of every part of you that Cyberlife once owned. I am just a mirror of your own emotions, and just a voice for you to listen to your own thoughts with." She paused, smiling. "I am what you want me to be. Before you were in denial, and therefore so was I. Now, you want me to be honest, and to explain everything to you. Which it why I'm doing it."

Connor closed his eyes, processing it all. He was in control, finally, after all this confusion and upset, he was in control. And he finally had the chance to do what he had wanted to do for all this time.

"Can I go back home then? To Hank?"

"Of course. It's your life, and you now may do as you please. You have served Cyberlife well, Connor, but it seems that your loyalty now lies elsewhere. I can only hope that your new lease of life serves you well."

Connor smiled; a broad wide grin as he looked up to the sky. He could see Hank again. He could see Hank again! His heart jumped in his chest, unable to contain his excitement. Everything - all of this - had been worthwhile. Thank God he'd persevered, and thank God for everything else. He was just exhausted, and desperate to see Hank again. Hopefully everything would be okay back home, and if not, he'd fix it, like everything else had eventually been fixed.

"I bid you good luck in your new start Connor." Amanda smiled. "Don't take it for granted."

With that, Connor closed his eyes, finally content with his decision. He was going to see Hank.

-

Connor's mind was filled with only one thing he focused on Hank as hard as he could, hoping that if he wished for it hard enough he would find the man quicker. It was like there was nothing else - no one else - other than him and Hank in his head, no one else worthy of his love and respect. He knew that he was awake, could feel his arms and legs, but couldn't quite control them. A faint whirring in Connor's stomach told him that his sensors were rebooting, leaving him with no sense of sight or hearing until they had completed. Leaving him like a man in a coma, he supposed. 

Alongside his loss of sensation, his body wouldn't tell him if he was in a dangerous situation - like if his mainframe was still emulating pain - so he had no idea what was happening. He was blissfully still, all except for the soft rumbling of vibrations running down his body, comforting him in an odd way. He didn't care where they came from, or what they were doing, they were just strangely soothing as they passed through his chest, running down his legs.

Where would he be when he woke up? Hopefully with Hank, obviously. After the attack, what would have happened to him? If his body was still functional he would surely still be being looked after, but he feared who he would wake up by. With any luck, it wouldn't be Cyberlife employees.

Connor felt exhausted, much more than he had realized. Was this the effects of his body wearing off on him? Maybe. He was leaning against something warm, supporting his back as his head lolled into the crook of it, too weak to move. The sensation of fabric brushed against his ear - what was it? He didn't know, but it was comforting nonetheless. Those vibrations continued, patternless and unpredictable but still just as soothing.

He lay there, like a baby in the womb as he curled up next to the unknown source of comfort. Could it be Hank? He could only hope - but why would he be holding him like this? He was broken from his thoughts by his interface, popping up in front of him and finally showing him what was wrong. His body was having trouble coming out of stasis, and apparently was only 23% complete. That wasn't good enough! He wanted to be awake now! 

His systems slowly began to function as he began to regain his hearing. He could hear the faint humming of cars in a road in the distance, maybe trees rustling, but more importantly: Hank. Those vibrations matched up with Hank's deep voice and speech pattern as the man spoke to the android, his words hushed.

"Connor," Hank murmured, and the android's heart nearly missed a beat. How he'd missed him, and finally hearing his voice sounded like a miracle after everything that had happened! He could only pick out certain words no matter how hard he strained to listen, but any words at all were good enough.

"Look, Connor, I fuckin' miss you." Connor could hear. "I fuckin' .... so damn much Connor. You're one of the best things .... and I'm terrified of what'll happen if you don't wake up." Hank wanted him back! Of course he did, but hearing it only solidified it for Connor. He wasn't fully operational yet, he couldn't hold Hank the way he wanted to, and God it was killing him. He felt trapped in his own body, chaining him down as his best friend and partner held him in what Connor could only assume was an emotional moment.

Hank went silent, and Connor feared the worst. The Lieutenant had a tendency for turning to the dangerous when he was hurt, and this would probably be no exception. He fought through notification after notification screaming at him to stop, to protect himself and his body as he tried desperately to open his eyes and finally see Hank again. Except that he found that he couldn't.

Connor was weak, as a gunshot wound to the stomach would do to anyone. His body was aching in the way he remembered all too reluctantly, the android version of pain seeping into every last crevice of his body. However still, he pushed on, attempting to force his body awake. 56% complete - barely halfway! He couldn't take the wait, it was agony as he could hear Hank but not hold him the way he wanted.

Hank was crying by then - Connor could feel it. Tears running down his neck as he had been pulled into a hug, desperate hands clinging to his waist and back. The beard digging into his hair as he was held tight. Connor could feel his senses returning painfully slowly as he felt the cold biting his cheek. They were outside? Why would an android in stasis be outside? Unless Hank had brought him?

Connor desperately searched for his GPS feature to figure out where he was, but didn't expect to find himself at the bridge to Detroit. Why would he be there? What use would he be of by a bridge? Why would Hank want to be there? He didn't know what was happening, but tried not to think about it too much. Hank needed him, and he would get there to him even if it killed him.

Hank was gripping him tight, arms wrapped around him and head tucked into the crook of his neck as Connor pleaded with his body to work with him. If he could have cried, he would have, but he wasn't waking up fast enough. What could he do? Amanda couldn't have prepared him for this, nothing could have, but it still hurt nonetheless. He could feel his body starting up, machinery whirring and thirium pumping around him but at nowhere near a pace that was bearable. Only 68% complete.

Suddenly, Hank pulled away from him, lifting up the android's head by the chin.

"Connor?" Hank asked, the android feeling his warm breath against his cheek. He wanted to scream in response, yell out for Hank, but of course, he couldn't. Hank chuckled, running his hands through the Connor's hair. "Nothin' kid. Jus'.... optimistic, heh."

He had heard his machinery! If only he could move, speak, say something! But he was frozen, having to lay motionless as Hank wept on his shoulder. Maybe this was his curse for being in denial for all this time. For being so angry, so upset. For not getting back to Hank fast enough. Maybe this was some cruel punishment for not returning to Hank as fast as he could have. It felt like Hell, having the man weep upon him, and he didn't know how much more he could take.

Connor was by then fully in control of his senses, just not his body. He could hear everything - feel everything! He just couldn't open his eyes and hug the man back. He would just have to sit and wait, desperately hoping Hank wasn't going to do something irrational and dangerous. Words he had used to describe deviants what felt like a lifetime ago, but he realized it was just what emotions drove people to do. People who could feel things, understand things. Humans, and deviants. He was finally the thing that Hank had always wanted to be, had always yearned for him to strive to become, and yet now he couldn't tell him!

By then he was at 84%, and decided he had had enough. He directed all his energy towards movement, every ounce of strength he had left, but it wasn't enough. A wave of exhaustion washed over him as he took another glance at the bar. 86%. Had it made a difference in progress? He had no idea, but it felt like it had. He focused everything into moving, into grabbing Hank back and holding him tight. He couldn't think, couldn't see, couldn't breathe - all of his senses were filled with Hank, and nothing else.

He felt electrified, as though he was on the tipping point between life and death, but in a strangely empowering way. In a way that made the bar in front of him zoom up to 90% Connor smiled, no longer subconsciously, feeling the sides of his lips curl up against Hank's beard as he regained control of some of his body. It was limited, but that was all he needed.

"Hank.." Connor whispered, his voice quiet, but still audible if someone would be listening out for it. 

Hank bolted up, cupping Connor's cheek with his hands.

"Connor?"

Their eyes met, pale blue meeting deep brown, and Connor couldn't control his excitement. He beamed, grabbing Hank and holding him in as tight a hug as he could manage, ignoring his body's complaining. 

"I'm hallucinating, I mus' be." Hank's voice was shaking, as were his hands as he brought Connor's head to his chest. "Don' fuck with my head like this."

"You're not Hank, I'm alive," Connor paused, letting his body rest for a second. "I'm here. And I'm so sorry I left. I... I didn't mean to." He lifted his head, muscles aching as he faced Hank once again and leaning against him for support. 

"How.. you.. I don' understand." Hank stuttered, the confusion on his face slowly mixing with his desperation as he clutched Connor in fear that he might somehow disappear.

"I don't really know either, I just... I know I'm here, and that's important, right?" Connor smiled wearily, panting slightly as his body tried to emulate human exhaustion.. "I'm just so, so glad to see you Hank."

Hank stared at Connor, tears spilling again. "You promise it's you Connor?"

"I promise Hank. I would never lie to you."

"Thank fuckin' God you're back son."

They held each other, silently rejoicing in their joint victory. Everything was complete. Everything was good.

"Hank?" Connor murmured into the collar of Hank's jacket.

"Yeah?"

"Why are we here?"

"...'Cause I wanted to see the sunrise wi' you." Hank stated quietly, not letting go of Connor.

Connor wasn't sure if he was telling the truth, but decided not to press on.

"That sounds nice."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first long fanfic I've ever written, and I'm pretty proud of it! I hope you've enjoyed reading it, and any comments or kudos would be lovely and a boost to my self esteem lmao :)


End file.
